Moving Pictures

Bussing it to work today, I was looking out the window. Mostly because there was a large-ish woman staring at me if I looked the other way. So as I was staring unseeing at the buildings, people and 'HUNK' movie posters flashing past, I noticed something else. Something scary. Something that made my aesthetic sensibilities curl up and wither away. Election posters. All sorts of bright, even garish colours going by in a blur, plastered on every conceivable vertical surface that is visible to pedestrians, create an almost hypnotic effect. Don't leave your car parked on the street overnight during election time.

If only they'd make slight changes to each poster before sticking them up in sequence. Would be much more entertaining to watch a flip-book style animation of our potential candidates doing something entertaining than to see the same repeating tile of fake smiles and photoshopped faces. Maybe a poster-show of Mervyn wrecking a cam or two? Or a Fight Club enactment in Parliament, starring the JHU members. Perfect light entertainment for a boring bus ride.




***Now Playing***
F>E>A>R> @ f.e. F.E.RR
FEAR 2. - Looks good so far!
Miata is coming along slowly...

In the Beginning...

There he stood, with a paintbrush in one gnarled hand and a bowl of moose-blood in the other. Eugene the caveman had just finished painting a red stripe on his wheel to make it go faster. He also slapped on a "[square]-Type" badge just to be sure. See, there wasn't much you could do to a stone wheel to make it go faster without stumbling into moments of inertia, and nobody had discovered math yet. He was due at Mammoth Hill soon, to meet with his fellow modders and race their wheels down the slope.

Since the dawn of time, man has been fascinated with speed and cars. There was the clan of regular cavemen, who went out hunting and stalking about the jungles being mannish, and then there was this other clan, whose members mugged the guy who invented the wheel and got him to build them some more. These cavemen gathered in the night to roll their modified wheels down the hills and to impress cave women with how fast their ride was. There was also a third clan, one whose members hung out in the forest and made love to strange holes in trees and did things like trap mosquitoes in tree sap, and went on to invent SecuROM technology for anti-piracy. But they are shunned today as they were back then.

So anyway, after centuries of being chased by sabretooth tigers and police drivers, we eventually got games. Games like GTA and Need for Speed. Sure, GTA isn't a racing game, but it does let you do much more with your car than NFS.

Most games have restrictions. In Half Life, it's the particle physicist's inability to conquer a three foot high wall. Or, god forbid, a locked door. Even though he has a Gravity Gun which can throw cars at 100 ft tall aliens, a door is just unthinkable. Crysis, you're expected to kill everything in your path anyway, and the only other things you can pick up are big stones, turtles, little stones, and Koreans. Yes, America, you people are fatter than us tiny Asians. We get it. And in most RPG's, it's "Kill small enemies till you level up enough to kill the big enemy". After a few million small enemies, you pick up a ring or something and get to decide which one compliments your silk shirt best.

But GTA is cool. It is a primitive world simulator, and does a commendable job. You are dropped into a sprawling world, and set free. There's some story involving black people, but nobody cared about black people till one of them got in the white house, so I don't remember. Something about a deejay guy and stealing TV's. The usual black guy thing. I'm sure angry teens all over were amazed by it's charming portrayal of fist fights as more a battle between you and your mouse than anything else. And scrawny 12 year olds would have been overjoyed to be able to go to the gym, press a button repeatedly and come out with a wider set of polygons the size of your fist. I have seen first hand what this game does to the "gangstuh's" among us. They pick a car, get three err.. holies? and go riding round the countryside, apparently appreciating the limited palette scenery.

GTA will tell you what a person really _wants_ to do. What we cannot do in real life, but always wanted to try. A certain blogger's brother, I've heard, keeps beating up people and running over innocent pedestrians with a pink Cadillac. Contact me for his whereabouts if you are afraid for your safety.

But just watch a person play this, and you will know them better. Be it blowing up everything in sight, going on a rampage with a chainsaw, or wreaking havoc on the city with a VTOL jet, parachuting down, making a car bounce up and down and then buying new shoes, you will get a rare insight into their mind.

Eugene would've been amazed.

The only thing I don't get is why the game's women seem to enjoy coffee so much.

...And why Niko runs like a sissy in 4.

And The Me Hits A Century!

100th post was the last one!

@%#$^&$#^%!!!

And here I was waiting to give ya'll some cake and all.
:D

Oh well, 200 then.

Anyway, sometimes, being called the biggest asshole someone's encountered feels surprisingly empowering. I don't really know how to describe it, but coming from some people, it just feels sort of... nice. I feel like I've achieved something.
:D

The Return of The Getting To Know Me

Getting To Know My Friend The Zombie

My pal Barney here wanted to join in all the fun of this tagging business too, so I went through the list with him, me being the kind soul I am.

Barney: He's a nice guy when you get to know him

1) How are you today? Brilliant! Can't wait to go terrorise some scientists.

2) What did you want to be when you were little? An astronaut.

3) Favourite toy as a child? I was usually locked up in our basement back then. I guess I could say the occasional small child who wandered in could have been called a toy.

4) Education? Yes, my parent's thought it best to home school me, but even that stopped after ninth grade when I kept eating the teachers.

5) What is under your bed? Oh you know. Odds and ends.

*shudder*

6) Read any books? Why yes, it's quite a challenge keeping ourselves entertained while waiting for the next wave of erstwhile heroes. Death of a Salesman caught my eye, but so far it has been quite disappointing in terms of content.

7) Where are you from? My parents told me I was adopted.

8) Are you a people... er.. Person? Yes. I like people quite well. It may be a one way thing, but when I'm at the mall I go crazy with all the people there.

9) What kind of music do you listen to? I like the old recordings of ambient noises in Nazi concentration camps best but bands such as Slipknot and Marilyn Manson are a suitable alternative. But Miley Cyrus sounds good too.

10) Favourite genre? Death Metal and Pop.

11) Last movie you watched? The Night of the Living Dead. The people at the theater were not surprised to see us there and even asked for autographs. I am proud to say the Zombies are people too program seems to be making progress.

12) Currently employed at? Turtle Rock Studios and Valve. They recently released a videogame titled "Left 4 Dead", which features Differently Alive persons quite prominently.

13) What is your middle name? Well my friends call me 'Biter' but my real middle name is Hussein.

14) What characteristic do you most despise in people? Shotguns.

15) Are you a morning person or a night person? Well it depends. I really like the night because people are more scared, but I keep bumping into things, what with the regulation-zombie-walk and all.

16) Food you dislike? Persians. The cat, not the people. Actually, the Persian president, that Ahmedinejad fellow is an honorary member of Unconventionally and Differently Alive Demographics(UnDeAD).

17) If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? *glare*

18) First person you spoke to on the phone today? You might not have noticed that my fingers are not exactly suited to grasping small devices such as phones. But yes, thank you for reminding me.

19) When was the last time you cried? *GLARE*

20) Okay, okay... Hugs or kis-

What, why are...

Why are you getting up?

!!!

HEY!

getoffmegetoffmegetoffme!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!






*BRAAIIIIIINNNNNNZZZZZZ

Of Hair(II) & Women

The Hair bit-----------

My hair's all screwy again. Not that it's too short, but now it's just too unmanageable. Yes yes, I always complain. Just like small children. They yell when they're happy, they yell when they're sad and they yell when you throw them in the garbage. Back to my hair, as some of you might remember, earlier my hair was too short. Then there was a brief period of perfect hair length, lasting about 43 seconds. I tried to take pictures, but it took too long and my hair went back to being mediocre. Now it's all strange. Right after a shower, it'll be malleable and will form into anything I wish. Then in a few minutes it goes back to being a stubborn SOB. It's sentient I tell you. But not sentient like cool transforming robots sentient. More down to earth. Very down to earth, like a gecko or something. Just barely aware of existing, yet living to make tour life a living hell. I don't know about the Geckos around your house, but mine launch little stones at me when I sleep. True story. But now it's just too lazy for me to get it to do anything right. So I'm wondering whether to grow it more and hope for the best or just chop it off like so many trees in a rain forest.



The Women bit----------

Yeah uh, I really don't remember why I titled this post "...Hair & Women". Just a general warning out to all males out there, for god's sake be careful when you zip up beware of the the newest 'most dangerous thing on the planet' that will ruin your life; The Woman Looking For A Friend(WoLFF). A WoLFF is a strange creature. It will make you want to repeatedly hit yourself with a blunt object. It will be all furry and cute at first and then bite you in the ass when you're not paying attention. I take the liberty to quote a very wise man in saying it is akin to going to a job interview, being the best of the lot, yet not being hired. Further, they will call you up frequently to complain about the person they DID hire, all the while extolling their qualifications, which are much inferior to yours. So stay the hell away from a woman who says she wants to be 'just friends' if you know what's good for you.


The " " bit------------

I discovered the next next best thing too. Milo and a blender. Psh, Domestic Goddesses and human cookie machines can't touch this.


**Now Playing**
Finally! Dismembering 'things' in Dead Space

The Next Best Thing Since Sliced Bread!

This weekend-

Started out brilliant, Friday was great, Saturday I got to meet a bunch of people again, albeit briefly, and with ice cream. Then later I discovered the next best thing since sliced bread. Chocos and ice cream. You should try it. It will be the easiest recipe you ever come across. Take sufficient amount of cereal, add milk to the bottom, then add ice cream on top. Don't worry about measuring things, measurements are for the weak. While thanking god for this divine gift upon mankind, I noticed the pack said something like "Part of a wholesome breakfast" and then pictures of fruits and things. Last time I checked, cereal WAS breakfast. Hell, I even eat the stuff for dinner. That's an advantage of growing up. You can act like a kid all you want and do all the things you wanted to do when you were one.

So Saturday _almost_ finished great. Then I discover my PC's got some sort of infection. So I think "It's just another autorun infection thingy, no biggie". I was wrong. So wrong I couldn't have been more wrong if I'd tried to send 'Lose Fat Fast' to Somalia. Turned out it was an actual virus and I spent most of Sunday trying to get rid of it. It looks clean now, but I'm still too afraid to open winamp without scanning it first, which I should be doing later today. Oh yeah, I haven't got an AV installed.

**Now Playing**
Removal of PE.SALITY and yet again installing Dead Space. :(

Note the header

See? Through my whole life, I have never done what I just did. I added a blog header image thigymabob.

Look at it. Now I know there are at least three of you people reading this out there, so tell me, how is it? Now now, don't pretend you didn't just read tha- TAKE THAT POINTER OFF THE LITTLE x! - It's okay, I won't bite. This will probably be the same style I employ for the next title.

And possible names for the new name have been drafted. In no particular order,

• mad leet
• teh chronicles of smarmia
• godmode
• jerry's blog
• Grand Theft Otto
• Jerry?
• me 2.0
• ☻ - The blog formerly known as "A Sort of Bea..."

Though I'm inclined towards mad leet and just jerry's blog. :/
Can't call it 'The Jester' for fear of stealing the Court Jester's thunder, or rather just temporarily borrowing it, as people will notice soon enough and go back to reading his blog and occasionally posting discouraging comments on mine about copying people. Same goes for jerry.ca.
:D

It's Red and White!

Am I the only one who hasn't see that Airtel ad? :(

*Checks utoob.

Whee. Music is apparently by A.R. Rahman. Coo... If I buy one I get a conference call with SRK.

AS you might have noticed, yesterday was a completely unproductive day. I got more work done while fiddling with my phone trying to get it out from under me, having fallen asleep on top of it, this AM.

Must go find someplace to go register a new SIM. A place which doesn't have a queue that stretches all the way to the moon. They let you apply with five numbers, it seems. So I can try stuff like 0757-7JERRY, 0757JESTER, GERALD, WETCAT and CHEESE and stuff. I'm the only Jerry I know, and the only other Gerald I know of is eight. But he's not as awesome as me so I can beat him to a sim. Don't know anyone called Cheese or Wetcat either. Though i didn't look through a directory or anything. It's high time I got off this prepaid thing anyway.

Dialog will be wondering why there are so many SIMs going inactive all of a sudden. Or maybe they won't. All I know is, the word of mouth alone on this thing beats any publicity some of the smaller mobile operators command.

A Short Story of Popups and Doomsday

Hmmm... What's this? A strange web page just "popped" up and is saying "Your computer is broadcasting an IP adress!" Dear lord, really? I'll have to put a stop to this. "Click here to install 'Spyware Destroyer 2000' that will stop all spyware from invading your computer and slaughtering your children".

*click

"Bwahahahaha! You have just sealed your DOOM! We will now install VirusBot version 3, which is one version newer than 2, and also has a lot more hairy tentacles! Your PC will wither and die, but not before it infects you and causes you to start licking railway tracks with a vengeance."

Oh noes. *clickclickclickclick!!CLICK!

*computer starts to rumble

*computer sprouts limbs, sets monitor atop itself, as a head.

*monster flicks aside hapless user, and ravages the office

*spyware-infected-PC-cum-evil-minion-of-hell goes on to burn the user's fields, and to hear the lamentations of it's women.

*whole cities destroyed

*monster explodes after touching a copy of Cyberlink PowerDVD 5. God that sucks.

*everyone retreats to underground nuclear fallout shelters.

---20 years pass---

*popup of a cat in an everyday situation, but _captioned_

*a man slowly creeps out of shelter

*looks around

"woo! lol All's cleer!"

*man is hailed as hero of the times, is awarded newly instituted "Nuclear Fallout Shelter Lookout Of The Year" award.

*man slowly fades from public eye

--------------------------------------------------------

So children, stay away from popups. And do not click on anything on the internet. Just stare at whatever page it throws at you when you open up your browser. It'll make my life much easier and I won't get so many annoying calls asking for help with PC's.

>:|

i.e. Stop Calling Me. Yes, YOU.

So, in retrospect

Last year was awesome. It was the last year of school, my first job, and a few months of doing absolutely nothing all rolled into one orbital cycle. It had it's fair share of crap, but that's unavoidable. Although I'm a bit... disappointed, by the farewell 2008 was given. Not even a firecracker.

This year actually felt different. It was freezing in the morning, so cold my ni-.. oh, BE's already done that one. So cold a liquid nitrogen bath would have been warm? Nah... Very cold anyway. Since I had to come to work today, I promptly dressed and had breakfast while playing the last bit of Mass Effect. So my first act of the year was to finish that brilliant game. I know, my geekitude can't be shrugged off too easily. I try. But seriously, the feeling that you've saved the galaxy, and the feeling of "Ha! Take THAT, reapers!!" at the beginning of the year is priceless.

Also, do NOT try to watch "The Bank Job" when your parents are around. Uncomfortable is not the word.


Hungry...

Using Google Reader

I'm extra bored today, so here goes.

Many of you read many blogs. Many of you also keep bookmarking your favourites, and some of you still type in the address of whatever blog you want to visit.

I introduce to thee, Google Reader!
Well not 'I', but.. them. Anyway, since any who don't know about google reader don't know about RSS readers, here's a brief explanation.

An RSS reader, or a feed reader, lets you view the content from all your favourite blogs/sites all in one place. You merely provide the link to your URL of interest once and it will keep updating automatically. Each time there is new content on a listed site, it will report back to your feed reader.

Pics are below.
1) Click here to add a link. This can be a blog address or even a blog name. If you enter a blog name, it will throw up a search results page and you can select which feed to subscribe to. Provide a URL (eg : http://thejestah100.blogspot.com) and it will automatically find the RSS feed from it and add the site, in the example, my blog.

2) This is a list of your subscriptions. Click on one of your subscribed links to see what content has been posted. If you subscribed to my blog, all my posts would be listed when you click on my blog name.

3) This is the content thingy. All the posts from the feed you have chosen are listed here. Click on a title to get the full post. To go to the blog or site, click on the little circle with two arrows in it.

4) This is what a post looks like, in Reader.

-click for large size


Hopefully this will help anyone who has to laboriously click through long lists to see if any new posts have been made.

Happy feedreading!

Woohoo! Gmail themes!

Now your inbox can be sexy too! Look and be amazed!

http://lame-duck.com/forum/download/file.php?id=504&mode=view

Click for larger image.

And no, this one's not like the last link I posted :P

You Know Who's Kickass?

Liam Neeson in "Taken".

Man, that guy kicked so many kinds of ass he could probably eat gravel.

...Yeah, been watching lotsa movies. Reviews will be posted, shortly.