Wednesday, June 10, 2009


If by some strange turn of events, you didn't notice me switching to wordpress, then take this note as a notice to the wise :P

Blogger users/inferior beings, please change blogroll links to

Same for google reader users, switch!

Saturday, June 6, 2009



Friday, June 5, 2009

A Question of Chivalry

Would you hit a girl? Stop looking at me like that. I didn't do nuthin'. Just wondering whether that whole thing about not hitting a lady applies what with all the feminazis and dykes around chipping away at it.

And as we all know, I have a stellar record with regard to women's rights.


But! I shall post an 'article' by my guest poster, Dr. Black Rapper,( MA, BS, YA, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH). Dr. Rapper is a freelance lecturer on sociology and has been heard by an audience of many millions. He is an expert on bitches.

Whence came this tradition of harming not a hair on a person of the female persuasion?
What? You think all black people talk like they've got a komodo dragon gnawing it's way down their throat? You female-dog buttock fair-skinned ones are all the same, mentally inept buttock those-who-procreate-with-the-female-parental-unit...

But that is besides the point. Through extensive study of the search engine variety, I came to the conclusion that the internet is indeed full of porn. You cannot innocently search for 'man banging wife' without being assaulted by content of a less than family friendly nature. So I just assumed that the notion came about in the distant past when women were considered all weak and shit. Lesser beings and whatnot. But has the story not changed now? It is fair to believe that most reasonable people are sans bias with regard to sexes.

So it follows that both men and women will be treated equally in all spheres of life. And one of these spheres is Mortal Kombat the act of expressing violence. All of us, except those who are strangely predisposed to the teachings of various religious figures or tiny bald men in lungis, will strike back at someone who has struck us. Or at least fend off attack in an almost-offensive kind of way. We try to disable the attacker, especially when the attacker is in a state of such boiling anger that global warming activists set up shop around him for heating up the planet. That is, anti-global warming activists, not the ones who are pro-'let's turn earth into a sauna'. But yes, most people would attack any attacker of the same sex.

But imagine if you were being attacked by a female. You being male, that is, since females attacking females just ends up in a shrieking mass of blurry fingernails rolling about on the floor. Somewhere along the line a camera will show up.

If a male is attacked by a female, he would, most likely, use as little force as possible. Only using the force necessary to keep the attacker at bay. I know I would. I cannot help it. It's just hard to get over that conditioning of "don't hit a girl". I would certainly not react in the same way as if a male was the the one doing the assaulting.

What say you, females? Let's face it, the average male is physically capable of overpowering the average female. So it follows that in most of these encounters, the male would come out on top. No, that is not supposed to imply something. Get your minds out of that disgusting gutter. Should the same treatment be meted out to males as well as females?

Thursday, June 4, 2009

So I was thinking(again)

I can't really remember what the last 'So I was thinking' post was about. No, that isn't what I'm thinking about either. I just created a wordpress blog and hell, WP is brilliant! It's practically Google Analytics in the dashboard, with some added extras. So I will probably be switching to that permanently. I would also like to know if anybody has a way to export blogger posts to WP. I feel like I've discovered chocolate after eating cocoa powder for so long, believing it to be bounty from heaven.

Twitter is strange. It's kind of addictive, yet we(the 'locals') use it not for its intended purpose but as a mini-chat like thing. It's a great big orgy of instant messaging. Whenever you go to sleep or work, anything that takes you away from the internet, you feel this strange... feeling... of being disconnected. It's like waking up in the middle of the night, to find yourself sleeping on the floor. You know things have happened, but you're not quite sure what they are. For example, leave @stfallen and @papareboy alone in the wee hours of the morning, and you find all sorts of words like 'Pani Bunis' and 'I don't love you anymore!!!111' floating around when you log on in the morning. Thoroughly disorienting when you expect things like "Going to work. Boring day" or at the least "Whackster looking for attention of the troll-ish persuation. Yawn".

At least now we know to stay away from people like @pseud0random who tweet saying "My favourite past time is to push little girls off their bikes and steal them". The bikes, not the little girls. Oh, now we know where LLD gets all that insider info on bloggers. Sneaky.

Sabby has yet again abandoned my blog I see. I have proof! Google reader tells me that there are only a few dozen hits from the middle east, and most of them come from Google keywords of the anti-flying machine variety. Flight simulator, bomb, hijack, U-235 decay rates, AK-47 suppliers and 'Airline Food Menus From Around The World' feature quite high on the list.

Speaking of menus, this small cafe thing just opened up across the road from where I work. T'was quite an adventure going into it. The lone table inside was surrounded by about five people. As soon as they saw me, they sprung up and dispersed, giving me a "you just HAD to come in here, didn't you? If you don't order for at least two, we'll take you to the Zionist thing back there and do Zionist things to you." Zionist sounds like something Dr. Evil would make up. Whatever it is... *looks up in wikipedia. Ohhhh.... But then why is it practically right next to some Islamic girls' school? That's just asking for it. Females already dressed for some ninja action just a wall away.

Anyway, I walk up to the counter and this dude who looks like he has a subscription to "Linux Illustrated" stares back at me, beard and all. I meekly as for two little burger things and a cup of black currant juice. Get a feeling of various eyes boring into me. Look around to see the previous knights of the round plastic table draping themselves on various fixtures around the room. A doorway would bring me a curious look, the far end of the counter suddenly looks away, pretending to stare at the items on display.

I take my eatables to the table and eat. Quickly. Stuff it all in my mouth and get up. Hurry outside.

I don't look back and hightail it back to work. I don't think I'm going in there alone again.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Bitch Please,

You ain't got nothin to go on...

Meh... that's about as far as I got.

It's pointless getting into an argument with a retard who wouldn't know sanity if it bit him in the ass.

Airtel can go DIAF

As you might have read, I've been using Airtel for a while now. Still switch back to dialog occasionally, but primary is now the 'tel.

Airtel sucks ass.

Somehow, I expected them to be better. I mean, is it too much to expect decent service from one of the largest telcos in the world? Is it just me or is Airtel challenging me to find a crappier service? I mean, even Hutch, the 'beggar network' isn't this bad. I make a phonecall and I'm certain there will be some disturbance eventually. It recovers, but a few seconds are unintelligible. About 20% of calls get cut off eventually, and a disturbing percentage of the time, the thing doesn't even work at all. Through all this, switch to dialog and everything's fine.

Weird thing is, even on the tel, the signal strength is usually full, but it still sucks. GPRS usually disappears after a few hours till you restart the phone, and data transfer is painfully slow a lot of the time.

Now there have been rumours about them not getting their fair share of bandwidth or something, but well, they ARE rumours, and I'm not really inclined to believe them.

Formal Apology to NB

I accept that you are much more intelligent than I tho-


I'm not fortunate enough to have as much restraint as some other bloggers. Sorry.

Looks like someone's got my pics off facebook. Now which of you fools accepted a friend request from a seemingly hot female circa-last month?

Neanderthal, Please go DIAF.

First of all, those are horrible pictures of me. But I examined my face in the mirror while shaving today and was reassured that I am still quite dashing. The moisturizer advanced formula for skin enhancement seems to be doing its bit. Also the plastic surgeons :P

*wipes a tear

*"He could've asked for better ones, the bastard"

Btw, DIAF is an acronym. Die, In, Fire, A - Put these words into order and you'll get the meaning. I'm quite confident that the cipher I've used on that is quite NB-proof. Sort of like idiot-proof but just a lot simpler. Now content that I have sent our resident retarded kid on yet another Google Adventure in which he might stumble across the forests of the Urban Dictionary, the post.

Dear One-who-is-yet-to-realize-his-retardation,

The only thing you have accomplished as far as I'm concerned is... nothing. Oh no, how could that be? Quick! To the starship to google another name! You also seem to be somehow connected to me by way of some misguided friend of mine. Copying my pics off facebook before I finally got round to changing the privacy settings on my skeletal profile was genius was it? I can't be arsed to go through each of my(limited number of) friends to seek out probable suspects since I actually have a life. But hey, like fallen said, you seem to have all the time in the world, you could do it for me. I'll give you a gig of porn? Sound like a good deal? Of course it is! What one handed typist would refuse such a deal eh? Also, fallen- he wouldn't know what to do with a time machine man, the guy would probably use it as a prop for his star trek shrine.

What I don't understand is, how I'm supposed to be an anonymous blogger when nearly every blogger I read knows my full name. Hell, more people call me Jerry than Gerald in real life. Surely publishing my full name in various posts constitutes non-anonymousness? After struggling with the vile serpents of your mother's basement, you might pull your head out of your ass long enough to notice We don't care. We know you're a fraud, you've spewed enough lies to fill three houses of parliament and you seem to have all the intelligence of a pedestal fan. At least a fan actually serves a use, rather than sitting at a PC generally making a dick of yourself on the blogosphere. Can you even turn your head from side to side while making a whirring noise? Scratch that, can you even give us your real name?

How does a '31 year old' act so retarded? Are you just some 13 year old who gets abused all day? Looks like you don't even go to school, judging from your posting, Mr. Jarabaraas 'Time is not of the essence' Bawa.

As for the rest of your 'points', don't make me laugh, ya schmuck. How does it feel to not amount to anything on the web either? The internet, home of those who pretend to be tough behind a monitor. If you can't make it here, you can't make it anywhere. Tough luck kiddo, try IRC. But be warned, it's full of people who actually know what 'tracing' means. That leaves... Oh yeah, the title.

Please go crawl into bed with Swine flu, should fit you perfectly,

Oh, this post was supposed to be Airtel, DIAF. But then this little vermin showed up. Will do that post later.