Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Not a Resolutions Post!

People make New Year's resolutions, and then don't stick to them. So, instead of that, I'm going to post a few things that annoy me. I shall do my best to abolish these things, and hence make myself happy and in the process, make myself more pleasant to the outside world, which should hopefully make up for not having any resolutions.

That'll also help me make up fake resolutions for when people insist.


1) Walking into a spider's web in the morning-

This happens when you've just set foot out of the house. These webs, produced by the less mentally gifted of the eight legged insects, hang in wait for you in places like the front door frame, the gap between a car and a pillar, or even a wall and a drooping tree branch. It's extremely annoying when you've just cleaned up and set out towards the new day and you have this invisible net all over your face and hair. After you've managed to get rid of the infernal web from hell, you end up looking exactly the way you woke up, which would be okay if everyone lived in a movie, but, as my shrink said, that's not so.

2) People throwing maxims at you -

"Early to bed & Early to rise, Makes a man Healthy, Wealthy & Wise"

As if it were any object to a boy to be healthy, wealthy and wise on those terms. It is sayings such as these that pull down a sprouting individual, and makes him lose all hope of ever measuring up to anything. What with people praising various idols and exalting their kids to be like them, not realizing that these "idols" were really vicious. Take for example the author of the line above, B Franklin. In order to fly his kite out on Sundays, he'd hang a key on it and say he was "fishing for lightning", and the people would go about praising the "great wisdom" of the sabbath breaker. What parents don't realize is that studying till morning, then waking up at an inhuman hour and doing things like peddling your own poetry are the signs of genius, not the cause of it. If they did, there would be so many more little Einsteins and Darwins. And I would have earned my first million by 16, yet here I am.

3) Made for TV Christmas movies -

These pieces of coal that flow out of the studios along with the rest of the gems and assorted rocks, seem to want to somehow bludgeon the viewer into the Christmas spirit with an arsenal of bad acting and directing. The way these weapons are yielded could very well scare an audience into submission, and want to pray to god to make it stop. And what better way for a non-believer to start than by celebrating the birthday of the very one he is about to appeal to for help?

That's all that comes to mind right now, but there's plenty more, obviously...

May the New Year bring you New Joy!

I thought that up myself. That has to count for something extra. You owe me a New Year's gift.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas People! Here's my card to you -

Another year comes to an end... ... I'm trying to think of something meaningful to say, but, true to form, my mind's wisdom generator fails me at the most (in)opportune moments.

Anyway, As the more perceptive of you might have noticed, Christmas is going downhill. I remember when I was small when we used to go shopping for all sorts of things during Christmas season. From new decorations, even if they're not really needed, to speacial food. Now, each of us usually does our own small scale purchasing at Christmas.

But, ever the optimist(most of the time :-) ), I keep hoping for some sort of relief. Be it either moving out, or a revolution of some kind(fat chance).

But this is not the time to dwell on such things! Christmas is not about buying things is it? Enjoy the season for what it is!

Have a merry Christmas!

.... Christmas is waaaayyy too commercialized.

Also consider -

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

How to clean photographs using Photoshop - Tutorial

How to touch up your photographs in Photoshop

Here’s a basic tutorial on cleaning up your images using Photoshop CS2. The procedure should be the same for Elements, too, I think. I hope this will be useful when trying to make something out of those millions of images you shot while on vacation of cars, trees, dust, sky, water, trees and cars.
Step 1

Open the image to be edited in Photoshop. I’m sure you all know how, but just in case Suraaj is reading, Go to File>Open. :-)

Now, Close all the unnecessary panels in Photoshop. You can do this by clicking on the little x at the top right of each box. Do so for all except the Tools and Layers boxes, since you won’t be needing the rest for this “operation”. So it will look something like this.

Step 2

Now, the first thing to do is to press “Shift+Ctrl+L”(Or if you like the hard way, Image>Adjustments>Auto Levels). This will invoke the “Auto Levels” feature, which will try and predict what the picture’s overall colour is supposed to look like. If you don’t like what it does, simply press “Ctrl+Alt+Z”. Now, press “Ctrl+L”. This will bring up the manual Levels adjustment box, which looks like the one below. Mess around with it till you get a satisfactory look in your image. As you might see, dragging the things under the graph and at the bottom will reduce and increase the contrast and brightness in the image. Also, you can do this for each colour too. Experiment.

Step 3

Press “Ctrl+M” to bring up the “Curves” dialog. This will let you increase and decrease the brightness of select parts of the image. To do so, while the box is open, hold “Ctrl” and click on the parts of the image where you think the brightness is enough already, for example the sky, or a window in a room. Each time you click, a small dot will appear on the graph, holding that position. Then, click on a part of the curve, and see what happens. After a while, you’ll get the hang of it, and be able o adjust the thing so that jus the dark bit in your image are given some light. If you have, overall, a bright picture, then the process is reversed. i.e., “Ctrl”+click the dark areas.

Step 4

Saturation – Press “Ctrl+U” to bring up the Hue & Saturation dialog. This lets you alter the “freshness” of the image. Click on the slider under “Saturation” and slide away. Big alterations are not recommended unless you want people to look like tomatoes. Usually, +/- 10 works. You can play with the Hue if you want your subjects to appear alien like and display a range of comic book emotions, like jealousy(100) and anger(-30). What it does is, it replaces colours with different ones, as shown in the bar below the sliders. Or you could just click “Colourize”, and see what happens!

Step 5

Noise is common, and no one likes it, unless it’s blocking horrible music. To get rid of it, Click on “Filter>Noise>Reduce Noise…”. Then, Slide around till you get something you like. But try and stay away from the “Remove JPEG artifact” checkbox. In nearly all the images I’ve used it on, it just interprets all objects as noise, and goes forth blurring them. After you get something you like, click Done and take a look at what’s become of the image.

Step 6

If you want to do more, like clean up people’s faces, use the lasso tool to select the faces (Press L and then click and drag around the faces). You don’t have to get the lasso around perfectly. A rough shape will do. Then Right-click on the selection and click “Feather”. Enter a value of about 8 for a four mega pixel image. You’ll see what it does in the image below.

Then, copy that face by pressing “Ctrl+C”, and paste it again using “Ctrl+V”. This will make the face appear in its own layer. This means it can be manipulated separately. Imagine it as shapes made of paper, one on top of the other. Copy and paste various other objects you want to edit separately into more layers. You can rename these layers, for ease of use by double clicking on the layer name in the “Layers” palette(Default names are Layer 1,2 and so on).

Now that you have your objects in separate layers, use some of the tools described above on your disembodied faces. For example, you might want to emphasize a certain magazine in the image, and so you can make it more visible. To see if your work has made the image better or not, keep clicking on the little eye icon next to the layer names, to make the layers visible and invisible. Doing so will let you see whether the modifications are beneficial, or if the face still looks like the one it was originally.
Here are some examples of images done up –

Hotel Room-

Yala-Sloth Bear in Dehiwala-
Just as a note, The end result of the above image can be found at, and runs a pretty interesting forum.

Well, that’s it for now folks! If I can make myself get round to it, I’ll make another on using the Rubber Stamp tool. “Why would I want to stamp my pictures with purple ink?” you ask? Well, It’s a wee bit different in Photoshop y’see…

Saturday, November 17, 2007

Surveillance cam's in School

Big Brother is Watching.

First the metal detectors, now this. Yup, They're going to fix cameras all over the place. Sometime soon, I think, Because they've already fixed the wires and stuff. I might even be captured by one next Monday...

WHY??? Are we that dangerous? When was the last time there was a report of even a pocket knife in a school? I doubt many of the students have even seen a gun, let alone posses one. If this was America or someplace, then fine, but here?

Okay, say it isn't about security. What if it's for enforcing discipline? Do we need to go that far to get students to stay in class during school hours? Would not that money be better spent on something like, say, renovating classes? Even if the students WERE so unruly as to require constant vigilance on the part of the administration, surveillance like this would completely ruin the fun that is school. Pretty soon our parents will stop saying "Enjoy your school years, they're the best you'll get". I don't think even prisons here have surveillance yet...

Where's the fun in letting out the air from a particularly despised teachers car tire when you'll be shown photographic evidence of your crime the next day? Or of stealthily avoiding the rector only to be caught on tape?

Good thing I'm only here till next August. I just hope the younger students are able to make the best of it...

Sunday, November 4, 2007


"A farticle with a mass 'm' is connected to a..."
"A WHAT? Sir?"
"Farticle oi! Farticle!"

Yes. Particles. So be the plight of the english medium students in Mahindaland( Actually, they DID name a village somewhere "Mahindapuram"). Where the economics teacher introduces himself with

"Hello boys, I am the Lal!"

Lal being his actual name. Anyway, instead of making my first November post yet another rant about school, I provide here some links that people might find useful for everyday use, and some links to various tutorials on software like Photoshop.

Humour/Satire - Updates are few, but content is extremely bone-tickling - This is the written form of Dilbert - Great web comic

Tutorial sites - Any design program, You'll find tutorials here

Communities - Very helpful and informative computer hardware forum - The Alternative Forum. Is the new TNL radio forum. Hosted by my brother.

Useful programs

Just search Google for these.

VLC media player - Will play any media format under the sun, With no codecs required. Just install and run.

K-Lite Codec Pack - If you want to install codecs system-wide, this is great.

WinRAR - Will read most of the compressed file formats.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Good Art on display. Look at it.

The latest fruits of my brief labours. Whaddaya think?

GaNgStA sTyLe !!!!! and more !!!!!'s

I noticed that I didn't have any posts for October, And I need more posts, and hence more pages to place advertisements for you to click. So, Being the shallow and materialistic person I am, Here's the next post!

We all listen to music. We all love it, We all blindly follow what the lyricist says. Okay, Maybe not that last bit. But take a rap artist for example. Say 50 Cent or any of the other aspiring "Rapper/Gangstah!" combo's out there. Along with them, you find a flock of ardent followers who will dress like 50, walk like 50 and even think like 50. Yo! You gettin' my vibe fool?

Dear God, Why? What's with dropping your pants and wearing t-shirts two sizes too big? It's not just the dress. They have to talk like that too. "soz howz life dawg" Yup, they can actually use a simple letter at the beginning of a sentence when TALKING. All that's just about bearable, but what drives me up the wall(Not literally, okay?... ;) ) is that these guys use this type of thing when typing too. Come on, You've got a whole QWERTY keyboard in front of you, try using all the keys. And just bueacse msot poelpe can raed txet lkie tihs, Doesn't mean you can type like that, dawwg. I see some profiles on various social networking sites(No, I don't use them, I was doing some...research) and I see stuff like

"dis doods tha kewlest guy ppl!!!! rock on nigga!!!!"


"yo dawg, wassup.............. jus lookin at ur profile an man!!!!!! kewl dood!!!!!"

And sometimes

"yo fool, heard u gots a hair transplant.... gd 4 u dawg! v cn hook up wit da chiks now!!!!!!! don worry i won tell ne1!!!!!!!!!"

And many more exclamations in the comment boxes. How hard is it to spell properly and actually use the "Shift" key? First time with a keyboard? Probably the last because going by the typing, I doubt it'll get you anywhere near a job with a PC involved. Probably be bagging groceries, Or polishing my shoes. And it's not just the "Rappers" who do this. Even the "Extra Weighty Metal" fan's too. With their black clothes and "Rap SUXXX" t-shirts, they parade around the streets saying stuff like "None of it Matters man, We all die in the end anyway", And other such philosophical gems of thought. Most of them are like vampires and are afraid of sunlight, the bible and music other than heavy metal, Because the rest isn't "Real" music.

Wake up suckers, It's all just the hormones and stupidity talking. Get into rehab.

P.S. - Yes, I do listen to rap music sometimes, Even right now, WinAmp is playing Stronger by Kanye West (Great song). And even rock. Linkin Park happens to be my favourite band, and one of my current quick access play lists is Phobia by Breaking Benjamin. But I don't walk around dragging my feet and claiming I'm a "niggah". Nope, I just sit in a corner of the shower and cut myself to see if I can get high... What? ;-)

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

The Future? I doubt it.

I was in class yesterday and just started wandering what it would be like if I was living in the future. Here's what I thought.

I'd be woken up in the morning by my "Time-Specific Alert device" or Alarm clock, With "In the Morning" by Razorlight blasted in my ear. Being lazy in the morning like most people, I switch it to snooze, and after a couple of minutes I get some sort of water substitute sprayed in my face to wake me, courtesy of the clock's "Aqueous" setting, set by my mother.

Trudge over to the sink and pour some tooth cleaning solution into my mouth, gargle and spit it, And am surprised to find that the bathroom door can't be opened because the nanobots in the solution thought the old pizza stuck between my teeth contained the plague, and hence quarantined me.

After overcoming the paranoid bots, I try my luck at shaving with my newly acquired Gillette Mach64 razor, which contains a 64-Bit processor to help me get rid of all those unwanted facial hairs. It just ends up nearly scalping me. And it says "You are not hairless yet". Well, back to the good 'ol Mach 3 then...

Eventually, I pick up my school laptop and go stand by the road and wait for the bus. My watch tells me the next one will be there in 12 minutes. So I decide to listen to some music on my 4G Zune (Not iPod ;-) ), Only to be told that my mother's set a restriction on it so I can't listen right before going to school. So I wait it out. Bus comes, and the RFID tag in my watch tells the bus to charge my account. Takes about 15 minutes to get to school, And I get off. No more getting on and off the bus before it stops these days :-( . I walk along the street, Kicking away the countless iPod's littering the streets, discarded by people who had seen the light(Heh heh). A cleaning drone with a Sony logo on it was cleaning the mess up.

On my way I pass a Metrocop with a big Apple logo plastered over the back of his head. He smiled at me and said, "Do you require any assistance in...[Short Pause]... Walking, Sir?". I reply in the negatory and he waves me off with "Hail Steve Jobs".(Why am I still thinking of apple?)

I get to school and someone goes "Thamuseta deepu gaana haduwada oi?!"(or, Did you make the sum I gave you?!)

At which point I wake up, Curse under my breath and go back to living in the past. Present, I mean.

P.S. - My new sig. Don't know where I can use it yet, though.

Friday, September 7, 2007

My Teacher! No, It's not an "I love my teacher" post.

The mathematics teacher, to be precise. Why do I mention this Homo Sapien ? Well, Because he has had a huge effect on our lives, Mostly bad.

First off, He could very well be the first Teacher/Politician combo. No, really. We imagine he was one of those dudes who ran around in a bandanna waving a rifle and shouting slogans back in the 80's. It's quite evident that the fire in him, so to speak, has not yet burned out completely, as even in class, he says things like "Is making a sum even close to as hard as lifting a sack of grain"? In Singhalese, of course. He has to keep with tradition, even though it's the "English medium" class. Perfect logic, If you don't understand, congratulations.

Second, he sounds like he's trying to speak through his nose. Okay, that isn't so bad, but it adds to the effect. Says "Gnak" a lot. But the best part is, He's totally anti-capitalist. He sees a guy chewing gum, and says "You fellows will eat any dirt those foreign buggers make". Or even better, "Who ever benefited from learning to work with computers?". Yes. He said that. Maybe he thinks Mao was the richest man in the world. Can you blame him? He probably lives with poultry in his bedroom, And goes hunting for wild boar around Maharagama. "It's just a machine which shows pictures when you press buttons". I can hear you all screaming HOW IN THE WORLD DID THIS GUY BECOME A MATHEMATICS TEACHER IF HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT COMPUTERS DO?

Point is, he's a weird character. And I now realize I have nothing left to write. And that I probably just wrote this because the blog was looking awfully starved of recent posts. Yeah. Hey, Don't read this post.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

The Vacation

This is the accompanying text for the images posted earlier, also a short commentary on the whole thing. Brought to you by popular demand! ( =I just wanted to, so shut up and read it)

Anyway, I started on Friday, Got up, dressed, replied to all messages, got into the bus and went to the meeting place. Halfway there I remembered I'd left my cell phone charger back home. So, off the bus and back home. I eventually met up with my friend and we set off.

After an uneventful couple of hours we got to Kandy. Filled up gas(no, it actually WAS gas, LPG), and set off for Nuwara Eliya after stretching our legs. Now, Nuwara Eliya is a weird place. It's a place where you actually get more cold when you walk fast, because that way the wind is blowing at you faster. You'd understand this phenomenon if you did your Relative Velocity at school.

While in Nuwara Eliya, we climbed a mountain(A real one, without any ready made paths, just trees, trees and more trees), shivered, and were chased away by ghosts(Well, the sign said "Abandoned : Dangerous. Keep Away", so we assumed anyone else would keep away). All of which didn't raise our body temperature by even a fraction of a degree. People here must be having a hell of a hard tie losing weight, since sweating certainly can't be achieved unless you tie yourself to a horse and kick it in the noggin. We also went through a Children's Home, I think, In our attempt to get down off the mountain. We had to jump over a couple of gates, but we made it, Albeit running into the caretakers. Tried to play the dumb tourist, but he kept asking how we had got there when the gates were all closed. How do you think? Gravitating? Sheesh...

Then, after two days of freezing, it was off to Bandarawela and climes more habitable. Here, we set off to conquer yet another mountain, but found that the grass which looked about two feet high from the Bungalow was, in fact an astounding 7 feet or longer. But deterred we were not! Just a little itchy by the end of it, when we found we had barked up a completely different tree, so to speak. We were on top of yet another hill, not our intended one, and faced with the prospect of going through all the murderous man-eating grass below us. So we did what any straight thinking individual would do. We stayed there. Eventually it started getting dark, so we had to come down of the thing and find a path back, which we did.

Next day, off to Yala. It's Monday by now. As we absceil the slopes, I start feeling more and more uncomfortable. Sweat! Actual liquid off my skin! Whoa... Anyway, As the flora, and the fauna started looking more de-hydrated, we entered the [Whatever district Yala is in] District. Eventually got to Yala!
We got a jeep and started off. Drove for a few miles without anything in sight, except the usual dry bushes, which seem to fill in as the horizon round these parts. Finally we got to the check in. Or registration thing. There was a museum there too, full of skeletons of animals who'd got too friendly with the humans.

The most abundant quadruped in Yala seemed to be the Elephants. The most abundant biped being Humans. Peacocks, too were common. The highlight of the journey was, though the Leopard. This carefree predator just strolled across the trail and walked leisurely into the bush across. But I still couldn't get any decent images of it thanks to the dinky little 3x zoom lens on the compact. And I had to use digital zoom(High tech image ruining software) to actually see it. I DID get it on film on the SLR too, but I still haven't processed it yet. These Leopards seem a little too calm, probably the reason their nearing extinction... Probably strike a pose when the poachers get near...

Anyway, by the time we were leaving, we were all covered in dust from head to toe and thoroughly shook up by the Defenders' movement. Then on to Kataragama to stay the night. When we got there, we cleaned up and went for a romp about town. So far so good, but little did we know there was no such "town", to romp about. We just got to a place called "Round Kade" and went in towards the gazillions of shops selling fruits and things as offerings to the various deities. Also a lot of bangles and chains and things.

The next morning, I went over to the restaurant looking to eat a hearty meal in preparation for the long drive home. But it was not to be so. The powers that be had decreed that whoever stays in this place should eat good ol' local/vegetarian food. Are not the worshipers pious enough to not eat the meat? And let the tourists have a regular meal, rather than eat grass? After the "meal", we set off for the temples. Yes, it's practically a mall full of places of worship. Look one way you see a mosque, the other way and you see a temple(Hindu or Buddhist). The architecture seemed a little, varied. At one point I saw a Snake doing something very questionable to a Swan, under it's belly. Saw a guy crack a coconut after shaking his booty for a while, purportedly to make a wish come true...

All in all, It was quite eventful, even on the way back. Just too lazy to describe any more. So people, there you go!

Friday, August 24, 2007

Yala Ahoy!

I went to Yala. And some other places. Nuwara Eliya, Bandarawela and Kataragama to be precise. Can't think of any interesting opening lines, so just check out the images.

WARNING : Amateur Photography ahead.

Trees in Yala, Also Shadows in Yala.

Leopard in Yala. Apperently they're quite rare. Not too surprising seeing the way they pretend you don't even exist when you drive by...

No points for guessing what's hidden in the trees. Sunset in Yala. Self explanatory.
Nuwara Eliya -

One of the humongous Bulls I saw at the Ambewela Farm.Neck looked about 2 feet wide. And no sir, Ah suuure din not see any "Photography is Prohibited" sign.

Some of the local apes in Kataragama. Sacred, none the less.

One of the less camera shy dieties in Kataragama. Most of the others were recluses, who'd ordered they're priests to shoo away any tourists carrying cameras.

All in all, it was pretty interesting. Although it WAS a little strange going from extremely cold to extremely dry in a span of five days.
Random thoughts -
* People in Nuwara Eliya can easily spot outsiders by looking for people who are in summer clothes and are usually shivering.
* Horses bump up and down waaaayy too much.
* Everything is sacred in Kataragama. Even down to the hotel food, which was depressingly vegetarian. I was a little dissappointed. I was expecting throngs of people rushing around, and when I finally roamed around the city, I had a hard time finding what the actual "town" was. When I got there, it was more or less deserted other than for the millions of pavement hawkers trying to sell us plates of fruits and veggies.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

The seven! Read this. Or else!

Azrael and Mia tagged me to write up seven random things about myself. Since reading seven regular things about a person can be like watching a plant grow, I'll try and make it interesting.

1) I love - Reading. Anything and everything. As my first post says, even the label off my shirt. Sometimes even gets me dangerous looks when I try to read whats printed on some womens t-shirts, where the text just happens to be over a certain...organ(s). Favourites include Terry Pratchett, Tom Clancy, Andy McNab & Steven King etc.

2) Hate - Mac zealots. Scum of the earth in my book. God created this earth so man and his Windows/Linux PC could live happily ever after. Not so that some hippie could start a company that makes products for hillbillys. See no. 4) Stupid people.

3) Love - Games. Favourites include the GTA series and FPS's like Half life, COD and FarCry. But unfortunately, due to my current video card, instead of a smooth display of scenery and trees in Crysis, I see something more like a slideshow of trees. Anyone want to donate 100$ in aid of the Buy-A-Videocard-for-The Jester fund?

4) Hate - Stupid people. Regular dumb people are fine, but I'm talking about dumbasses. Those "revolutionary" teenagers, with the Che t-shirts and stuff, who get a vacant look in their faces when asked who Guevara was. Also people who think they know what they're talking about, but all they know can be inscribed on the head of a pin.

5) Love - Music. All sorts of music. Everything from Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture (a la "V for Vendetta") to Shinedown's Heroes. Mostly depends on my mood. Happy (Rock/Rap), Neutral (Classical/Hip hop), Angry/Worked Up (Rock/Classic "You will Cuuurse! the day you did not dooo, all that the PHANTOM asked of you!!!") or just suicidal ("Hit me baby one more time!").

6) Out of Love/Hate stuff. So here goes- I used to play rugger. Played the sport since 8th grade. Stopped in the 12th. Haven't really much to show for it other than a plate and some certificates. A plate you ask? Yes, since some ancestor of ours probably thought it would be funny to give runners up in a tournament plates. What are we supposed to do with them? Play Frisbee? Mine sits on a shelf gathering various kinds of things that like brass.

7) Ahhh... The final fact - I hate all forms of messages and dull activities which exist thanks to the joblessness of some people and circulate around the net, in e-mail, blog comments and "Write seven things about yourself" requests... You people should be rounded up and nuked. I deliver a verdict of guilty on the charge of severe wastage of internet bandwidth, due to which my torrents are slowed down. ;-) :-D ;-)

Seven more people? Well, to be honest, I don't know seven people to send it to who haven't already been tagged. I'll try and send it to someone else. Sorry if I'm breaking a centuries old tradition...

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Social Networking : Gift or Curse?

We all know what they are, and we all probably have a profile at some site or the other. But do we really get any use out of these online hangouts?

It's just that I've been getting these "[Idiot] Has Tagged You!" messages quite frequently, even after I told them I don't want to be notified if some fool friend of mine thinks I'll be interested in some site which has about as much potential as a dead rabbit to improve my quality of life. And to top it off, The e-mail says "Please reply or [Idiot] will think you are not friends". Or something along the lines of that... Anyway, the point is, Who benefits from all this "networkedness"? What advantage do I get from having all the people I know in real life, who are just a phone call, or even better a text, away, On my friend list? So I can look at their profiles?

And the profiles. Oh! The profiles! Ye gods! Such a collection of pages with poor colour coordination and lack of attention to visitors' eyesight I have nevereverneverever seen in my short but net exposed lifetime. You will not believe the sheer idiocy of people who get a blackish background, dark red text, garish yellow headings and then tell you to visit their profile. Because it looks "cool", I'm told. Usually, they're about as slick as a Hippo in a ballet costume. Or Mahinda singing "SexyBack".

Okay, say the world was suddenly gifted with common sense and people improved their profiles. Make them more viewable. Great! Now I can find out all about the people I already know! How fantastically fantabulous! It's like, like, ice cream on a stick! Or paperclips! ... Other than all the teenage girls who pour over every detail of each other's profiles(And some teenage "boys" who do so), I don't really see any use in it.

Okay, some of you may argue that it's something you can do when you're bored online. Well, firstly, Social Networking will make you even more bored, and poses a potential health risk, due to the fact that updating your profile every other day will drive you insane, or render your reproductive organs useless(Trust me on that, I know people.... ;-) ).

Well, anyway, if we get past the treagic profile design and the moron updaters, What have we got on a social networking site? Well, I could think of one use - Stalker Heaven! Ohmygosh! Stalkers? Yes. Stalkers. You have pretty much everything you need to become a full time stalker in these sites don't you? You just need a baseball cap and an IQ of about 15 (Which most compulsive updaters should easily fall into) to complete the requrements.

---------------------------- End of poinless rant--------------------------------

Anyway, I found something more interesting you can do with your time - anti social networking! - Doesn't work, still interesting though. - Works!

Apperently there are many more such sites.

P.S. - All you people who are going to say "But Jester, you yourslef are on Hi5 are'nt you? lol!". Open mouth. Insert foot. Close mouth.

Yeah yeah it's sort of like maddox's line, but whatever...

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Cutting trees is bad for your health!

Anyone have any Idea what that image is? Just another C4D render when I was supposed to be studying. By the way, have any of you tried cutting trees with axes? I mean dry ones which are on the ground after they fall down.


"Jerry!!! Phone Call!". Mumbling. "Yeah.....cmn..". Dragging Footsteps. Misses a step. Groan. Gets up. Painfully. Painstakingly drags himself toward the phone.

Fifteen minutes ago -

I was engulfed in the world of Crisis Four (Andy McNab) and Nick Stone's work when I hear my sister. "Snake! Theres a snake in my room!". Just my luck. Come home from school and finish eating etc. and here comes a stupid snake to spoil my siesta. I stand my ground. Approximately thirty seconds later, my mother comes down and says "Jerry!" With all the guilt she can roll into one word. So I get a broom, And drag myself upstairs to do battle with the Reptilian.
No Snake. My sister says it went out through the gap between the roof and the wall. No idea how it got that high in the first place.

So I walk downstairs again. Stupid flying...bird...snake.... fnake, or snird or whatever.
Sit down again. "As I moved away from the TV set, a loud ping! sent my heart leaping into my throat. I spun my head and..."

"Jerry! We have to move the fallen tree from the side of the wall". Stupid falling trees...frees... tallings.....

Walk down to the gate. Look at the log. Try to pull it. Kick it. Won't budge. Not even a smidgen of movement. "We'll have to cut it. I'll get the axe". Great. Now, this is the action that brought me to my curent state. I think, Piece of cake. Get the axe.

First Blow.

My back starts paining.

Second Blow.

Weird feeling of exhaustion.

Successive Blows.

Axe gets harder to control and I start sweating litres.

By the time I cut it enough to break it in two, I had lost about 95% of my energy. Plus I had aquired many blisters on my hands, thanks to the stupid axe handle. Then I manage to stumble back into the house, up the stairs into the shower, and it's a battle to take my t-shirt off! I use both hands to turn the shower on, and I find it's hard to bend my elbows.

Present -

Why this happened I have no idea whatsoever. Maybe it's the combination of my scone and chocolate breakfast and sitting the whole day thanks to the exams? I mean, I still can't use my fingers properly! And I used to play rugger! There has to be some medical cause!

EDIT - I was later told by my all knowing brother that it was probably because I was inactive all day and suddenly did it. Without any stretching or anything. Yeah yeah, Who stretches before cutting down a tree...

Sunday, July 22, 2007

Red Team vs. Blue Team

That's pretty much what a student thinks when he's in school. The administration is the "other" side. It's like playing Unreal Tournament in a more "scholarly" way. Though school would be a lot more exciting if I had a Redeemer in my bag...

Anyway, this is just a general post on the situation in school at the moment, now that the commander in chief, better known as the Rector, or Fuzzy, is gone. He's in Poland. Or South Africa. Can't remember which. With him around school, It was nearly impossible to get out of class in the first four periods, because he had this weird power of appearing all over the place. I experienced this first back in grade 12. I came down the stairs, and just managed to catch a glimpse of him walking my way, so I raced back up the stairs, Stealthily manouvered through a Hall full of chairs and things, went through a couple of doors in a fashion Sam Fisher would be proud of, and came down yet another flight of stairs.

To bounce right into the Fuzz.

A few periods of kneeling later, and a few months of honing our skills, we can now successfully get a total of 20 feet from our classroom. But now, our watcher is gone! Student's roam about freely through all periods, not just the last four!

But anyway, it kind of seems strange now that we hava all this... freedom. Theres no challenge in it anymore. And you really need that Adrenalin pumping to really perform...

In other News, I am now officially a person who "studies".

And, since I am a selfish and materialistic person, I will be adding Google Ads to my Blog. Click on them. Or Else!

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The iMadness!

First of all, all you people with the "I ♥ my i[insert name of pointless overhyped apple "product" here]" bumper stickers can just move on and go read another post, or go back to polishing Steve Jobs' shoes.

I had a disagreement with a friend the other day, about the iPod. He said

"Everyone knows the iPod is the best Mp3 player out there"

Now, before I pick apart this sentence and show how tragically wrong that is, Let me just ask, "Who is this 'Everyone' ? " Is it the masses of unemployed fools in the Apple commercials that always seem to try and make fun of Microsoft? If so, go eat some more iCrap because they are probably the most pointless bunch of characters I've come across. Apparently, anyone who has an iPod is

a) Trendy
b) Cool
c) "Hip"

But in truth, if you analyse the commercials, they are

1) Unemployed
2) Artists who lie about all day listening to music
3) or 1 & 2

YOU ARE NOT COOL BECAUSE YOU HAVE AN iPOD. It is most probably the best testement to the number of stupid people on the planet. It's just a music player for chrissakes! Doesn't even have most of the features the other players have. But yet, there are hordes of the iPeople who think Apple invented the whole damn technology! I am ashamed to say, even in my place of work(well, school).

Look at their name, "Apple". Codeword for "Simpleton"? I am increasingly starting to think so after they released the iPhone(OMG!! What n original name!), in which you don't even have access to a basic file manager. And being the simple geniusus they are, they forgot the video recording function too. Yeah. Everyone says video is going to be the next major surge in the interenet after music, and here they go getting rid of the feature on their phone.
For an even more awesome review of the iPhone, visit The Best Page in the Universe:The iPhone

Yeah Apple, "Think Different". Sure has worked for the iMac.

And now, for the "Best player" thing. Has anyone of those Mac zealots ever even been to a "technology" site before? Of course not. Tech is for geeks. Whats inside our players is the magic harvested by Apple in their iPod farms in the Far East. Or even heard music from a different player? It may be hard, but come on, crawl out of Steve Jobs' ass for a second and come see if the air smells better in the outside world!

In short, iPodlovers(No, that wasn't a typo. If boylovers doesn't need a space, I don't see why this does.) can just shut up and get back under the rock they've been living under for the last gazillion years. Your player sucks, and the people who make your player suck. Live with it. Or, redeem yourself and get away from the herd of lame sheep and buy yourself a proper player and phone!

Monday, July 9, 2007

Astrology : Myth?

Disclaimer : I know this is a sensitive subject to many people, but this is just something I've observed. So if you think I'm wrong, just comment on it. DON'T send over a white van...
Also, by flaming me, you agree to give me exclusive rights to your house, car, assets AND your life. So, before you flame, think. Think deep. Consult your horoscope maybe.

So, here goes :
Why do people make decisions based on astrology? Is it a proven science? Have they ever been proved? I mean, how can an entire career be built around predicting the future based on how a floating rock or a clump of gas, thousands of light years away, moves?

Okay, I did some research, and apperently it's been around for a while( well, duh! ). The greeks got all the signs in the sky, but can't you or I find pretty much any pattern we want in the sky?
Also, this business of making financial decisions, births, and even shaving times based on "nakath". WHY? So if anything goes wrong, is it "Damn you [insert name of random celestial object]!!!" ? People who do that pretty well deserve what they have coming!

And don't tell me it's just an ancient facet of Sri Lankan civilization only believed in by the rural peoples now. A guy I know in my school was made to have his first shave on a certain day at a certain time. Yeah. And how exactly does that help? Maybe the position of Venus at that moment makes his hairs stick out at an angle, thus making the first shave more pleasant. Okay, It would have been fine if you're a virgin about to be de-flowered, but shaving? Come on People!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

V for Vendetta! Oh, and the Silver Surfer too

This movie is awesome! It is every persons dream to be part of something like that! I mean, It was so bloody awesome! Words cannot describe my joy/exhilaration/excitement at seeing this movie!
Best movie I've seen this Year! Maybe even last year too.

Anyway, In other news, my brother's blog( seems to be more.... humorous than mine... So now i'm left with having to actually THINK up stuff to write.

Also, The Fantastic 4 are just corny. I mean, could they BE any more comic book like? It's like they're reading the script off the newest comic book to hit the stands. It's so corny you could make popcorn with the DVD! Or so corny as to make some sense out of that last sentence. What I'd like to see is a movie abou the Silver Surfer. Man, This guy is cool! It could be called "The Silver Surfer : And the corny bunch of freaks". This is just my view, so if you like Fantastic four : RotSS (See, even the abrevation spells "rot" ) , Go see if your butts got "4" stamped on it.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

The Battle of the Saints!

The rugger match of the century is upon us!

Who do you think will win? Of course, St. Joseph's is the superior team, but who knows if the cunning Peterites will conjure up some witchcraft? (Don't flame me! That was not serious!)

Wait, Why am I HERE typing this post when I should be at the MATCH?

Ta Tah!

It's Alive! It's Alive!

Yes! They are alive! Here are a couple of renders on Cinema 4D and some Photoshopped images, created by yours truly. They're a random pick from the bunch on my desktop.

What better to open a post with than an oil lamp? Anyway, It's low poly because it was originally meant to be rendered from far away, as part of a whole room. But the chrome on the base just looked too good to be ignored!

Some truly cruel photoshopping... Why cruel? It's the Elder's Home next to our school, which can be conveniently photographed from our class. The fire on top looks a little..... funky, to say the least.

Can someone think of some better text for this thing? The render just looked too nice to be empty, so I just put the text...

I love This! My current wallpaper. Does this mean I'm yearning for my childhood playthings?

For all you Radeon card users out there! (Will I get sued for using their trademark?)

A dispenser of some sort.... Don't Know what. Yet...

My first Car!!!!

My first Car 2...Ignore the purple thing in the background.

The lamp... No comment.

Saturday, June 30, 2007

Why is stuff banned in school?

Why are CD's DVD's and the like banned in schools? I mean, people who really want to bring something can get anything in, despite all the bag-checking as you enter and the random class checks.

What's the big issue? I mean, in school, it's just a piece of plastic for crying out loud! What harm could it do? Are there any teachers or principals reading this? If so, PLEASE, provide an answer. Is it just your duty to make our few years of fun as miserable as possible? Is there some separate bag search class in teacher training school or wherever? I can just imagine, "Get those pockets! Make sure you check the lunch!"... Is it and issue of national security? If so, pardon me because I didn't know a cheese sandwich could cause genocide, or maybe it was the plague carried in the cologne spray.

Another thing : correction fluid, or commonly know as TippEx. What the hell? Why is this harmless article of great correctional value not allowed? Maybe they're an endangered species... Or maybe it's just a conspiracy by the Teachers Guild to take over the world and correctional fluid is their only weakness! Hah! See if I'm ever entering school without my trusty tipex in my sock again!

By the way, being the totally cool person I am, ;-), I can get practically anything into school, and being in the 13th grade really helps!

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Bob the Builder : Expose!

How well do you think you know this icon of good construction and service?
He is the epitome of the friendly neighborhood builder.

He is,
Bob, The Builder.

But, in these latest paparazzi shots, it is seen that the idol has fallen, and has aquired many vices.

Reports claim that he was once spotted smoking weed at the "Red Lion" Pub in central London.
What is this world coming to?

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Action! Adventure! and.. um.. Tech...

Has anyone read "Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carrol? Well, Here's my version -

Or on hunting the net for viruses

‘Twas Idle, with ninety nine percent
Of the processor going bit less
All blank were the memories
With protection applied.

“Beware the Bots, My son!
The code that duplicates, the keywords untrue!
Beware the page that fakes, and shun
The spammers that prowl!”

He took his app in memory;
Long time the IP’s he searched-
So rested he by a ‘nothers home page
And he built him an update.

And, as in execution he stood,
The malicious code, with bytes of disdain,
Loaded itself onto his own page,
And tempted as it loaded!

Zero! One! Zero! One! The packets exchanged
The app went beep-beep!
He left it quarantined, and with its source,
He went requesting back.

“And hast thou stopped the spread?
Come to my arms, my binary boy!
O Gigabyte day! TCP be praised!”
He compiled his joy.

‘Twas Idle, with ninety nine percent
Of the processor going bit less
All blank were the memories
With protection applied.
Gerald Pereira
Well, what do YOU think?

Sunday, June 24, 2007

Spy Vs. Spy

Just this weekend I was playing around with my friends camera, a Finepix S5600, And was pretty damn surprised by how effective it's zoom was. I mean, I could actually do that thing Veronica Mars does every monday! Take pictures of people without them knowing! (Yes. I tried it)

That made me wonder, What if someone is taking pictures of ME in the street? I'm sure my dashing looks and sexy walk draws camera lenses like lawyers to a colony of celebrities. ;-)
. Anyway, Does this mean the REAL end of privacy? Will we all have to dress up like muslim women? Oh my god! Those things really make my midriff look bigger!

But, besides all that, Cameras are really cool nowadays. Not the regular point and shoot kind, but prosumer models...... Must add one to my wishlist.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

I'm a funophile!

Greetings my fellow Islanders!

I'm looking at my monitor wondering how to start. There's the start button, The time in the corner, The WinAmp icon, The uTorrent icon saying "Download Finished : '[isoHunt]Jesica Alba Vs. Evangeline Lily Mud Wrestling Video'"... Oops... Well, here we go!

Here's my first post! And what better to fill it with than a commentary on me? I am the_jester. I've wreaked havok on this earth for 17 years. No, not seventeen. "I am seventeen going on eighteen...". Anyway, I still enjoy the joys of school, and most of my content will be from there. I am a funophile. Or in layman's terms, a funlover. Or fun abuser... I'm not sure.

I read. A lot. I will read the washing instructions off my T-Shirt if I am left with nothing else. I also do.... things... on my computer. Everything from 3D modelling to video editing to programming. Music too. From Linkin Park to Breaking Benjamin to Sarah Brightman. Diverse tastes. But, like most people I like just hanging out with my friends too. Something I believe I won't be able to do too often in the near future.

Well, I hope my commentary on the life of a school kid who is "So cool he makes you look uncool ®", will keep you entertained. hehehe....

This weeks question! :- Can you spot any mistakes in my spelling or grammar, and do I really need to care?
Ciao! See you all next Sunday!

P.S. - For all those who were foaming at the mouth while excitedly typing in, there is no Alba vs. Lily video... dolts... ;-).And for any of my friends who are reading this, comment on this page. PLEASE don't come to school and go "Ado! That was so lame my granny can do a better write up!".