Saturday, January 31, 2009

The Ballad of Isaac Clarke

'omg, 8.5 on ign!' I go
love blossoms
extract, install
disappointment. noob.
PC fuxxored up. virii.


clean, redo,
kaspersky is my friend
extract, install
joy, shining through the wall of zombies
'lol i cn take it' purrs my radeon
all options high
shaders glisten at me
empty corridor

--second intermission--

dark rooms
smooth, I like.
'gimme some action' barks my frisky gpu
enter zombies
'omg omg, tmi tmi!' cries my cpu
'single core', I mutter.
hack, hack, zombies
frames, less than 20, a second
'i want more', gpu
'i can't keep up', cpu 'stfu noob', gpu
'/kick cpu, gpu', grumbles memory

So sounds the death knell for my old but graceful Prescott. Dead Space isn't all that fun when the zombies, who're usually pretty slow, do Neo-of-Matrix-fame like stunts.

Look here, we're still the same, even hundreds of years in the future. :D Though I have no idea what "Peng" is.
Space Strippers


Friday, January 30, 2009

Untitled 3

While traveling in the front seat of an 'inter-city' bus, I saw cracks on the windshield originating from the approximate spot that my face would hit if the bus were to come to an abrupt stop.

There is nothing to grip but the passenger next to me.

He doesn't look very grippable.

Re: A letter of response to the spate of Roach hate posts on the blogsphere, by the High Council of Roaches

Dear Roaches,

You are stupid. You have stimuli and response. If that's the only level of sophistication that can survive on this planet for millions of years, I don't WANT to.

See, nuclear warheads, among other things, are what we made with our weak, non-crawl out of our skin bodies. So till you sprout opposable thumbs and start making things like beer, music, religion and playstations, you still suck. Do you know what suck means? No, because all you can do is breathe.

So you survived a few million years. So did crocs. You don't see THEM going about sprouting superiority facts do you?

You know what? Without us, you wouldn't HAVE a nuclear fallout to survive. It's about time we moved out of your miniature shadow. We're off to space. Can you do that? No, cos you're stupid.

And when we DO get around to blowing up this goddamn planet, we'll make sure we put bug spray in each of those nukes!

P.S.- We would appreciate it if you would stop stealing our technology.

Thursday, January 29, 2009

Batten the hatches! Our Doom is here!

Batten the hatches! Our Doom is here!

That is, if local blogs are to be believed. Not war, cockroaches. It seems like there's always someone who chimes in to say how mighty, how great and powerful that creepy insect is. Us puny humans don't stand a chance against such a superior life form. The usual reason being that they can survive a nuclear fallout without a scratch or melt.

And then someone will talk about the great feats of endurance a cockroach went through on the way from the drainpipe to the shower. We humble meatbags cannot compare to the towering feat of evolution that is the cockroach. We will conveniently discard the fact that they are the size of the average toe.

So, Mr. Roach, you think you're so high and mighty? Well, we won't bend to your whims anymore! Though we might cringe at the thought of touching you with our slippers, we can still squash you like, well, a bug. How many roaches do you know who've assembled a nuclear warhead? Can they even SPELL nuclear warhead? Forget that, do they know what letters are? No, they're stupid insects! So what if they can shed their skins? We have GTA! Even better, everyone I know has a slipper! And last time I checked, that was the leading cause of death among roaches. What human do you know who would DIE from a slipper unless it was made of lead?

Roaches are stupid.

Will a roach realize I said they're stupid? No, because it's a dumbass. So stop treating them like a fire breathing leper colony or something.

*EDIT : Flinching bit removed due to author being continually pelted by various objects.

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

In the Beginning...

There he stood, with a paintbrush in one gnarled hand and a bowl of moose-blood in the other. Eugene the caveman had just finished painting a red stripe on his wheel to make it go faster. He also slapped on a "[square]-Type" badge just to be sure. See, there wasn't much you could do to a stone wheel to make it go faster without stumbling into moments of inertia, and nobody had discovered math yet. He was due at Mammoth Hill soon, to meet with his fellow modders and race their wheels down the slope.

Since the dawn of time, man has been fascinated with speed and cars. There was the clan of regular cavemen, who went out hunting and stalking about the jungles being mannish, and then there was this other clan, whose members mugged the guy who invented the wheel and got him to build them some more. These cavemen gathered in the night to roll their modified wheels down the hills and to impress cave women with how fast their ride was. There was also a third clan, one whose members hung out in the forest and made love to strange holes in trees and did things like trap mosquitoes in tree sap, and went on to invent SecuROM technology for anti-piracy. But they are shunned today as they were back then.

So anyway, after centuries of being chased by sabretooth tigers and police drivers, we eventually got games. Games like GTA and Need for Speed. Sure, GTA isn't a racing game, but it does let you do much more with your car than NFS.

Most games have restrictions. In Half Life, it's the particle physicist's inability to conquer a three foot high wall. Or, god forbid, a locked door. Even though he has a Gravity Gun which can throw cars at 100 ft tall aliens, a door is just unthinkable. Crysis, you're expected to kill everything in your path anyway, and the only other things you can pick up are big stones, turtles, little stones, and Koreans. Yes, America, you people are fatter than us tiny Asians. We get it. And in most RPG's, it's "Kill small enemies till you level up enough to kill the big enemy". After a few million small enemies, you pick up a ring or something and get to decide which one compliments your silk shirt best.

But GTA is cool. It is a primitive world simulator, and does a commendable job. You are dropped into a sprawling world, and set free. There's some story involving black people, but nobody cared about black people till one of them got in the white house, so I don't remember. Something about a deejay guy and stealing TV's. The usual black guy thing. I'm sure angry teens all over were amazed by it's charming portrayal of fist fights as more a battle between you and your mouse than anything else. And scrawny 12 year olds would have been overjoyed to be able to go to the gym, press a button repeatedly and come out with a wider set of polygons the size of your fist. I have seen first hand what this game does to the "gangstuh's" among us. They pick a car, get three err.. holies? and go riding round the countryside, apparently appreciating the limited palette scenery.

GTA will tell you what a person really _wants_ to do. What we cannot do in real life, but always wanted to try. A certain blogger's brother, I've heard, keeps beating up people and running over innocent pedestrians with a pink Cadillac. Contact me for his whereabouts if you are afraid for your safety.

But just watch a person play this, and you will know them better. Be it blowing up everything in sight, going on a rampage with a chainsaw, or wreaking havoc on the city with a VTOL jet, parachuting down, making a car bounce up and down and then buying new shoes, you will get a rare insight into their mind.

Eugene would've been amazed.

The only thing I don't get is why the game's women seem to enjoy coffee so much.

...And why Niko runs like a sissy in 4.

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Good Evening Ladies & Gentlemen,

I'll be reading your terror forecast this week.

Down south white van density has reduced greatly, due to which we should be seeing less of the plain vanilla abductions. But reports suggest that more outrageous acts of patriotism will be occurring more often. People working in the media in particular will face much difficulty in day to day duties. They are advised to immediately become taxi drivers to keep from hindering the great progress we are making. Most other areas seem clear for now, but we cannot accurately say whether the rest of the populace will not be affected anytime soon.

As you can see, up north we have some fierce action all converging at one point over Here. People have been advised to evacuate as soon as possible, but there will be no governmental support as the troops are otherwise occupied at the moment. This is a bid to improve the survival skills of the local peoples.

In more good news, we receive reports that the turbulence up here will clear out soon. We trust in our able leaders to guide us through this difficult patch of fate and finally achieve equilibrium, to defeat the godless savages who lay siege to our great nation.

Good night ladies and gentlemen,
and as always,
Ceylon Prevails!


Evey Hammond: My father was a writer. You would've liked him. He used to say that artists use lies to tell the truth, while politicians use them to cover the truth up.
V: A man after my own heart.

Yes, been watching too much V for Vendetta.

Friday, January 23, 2009

And The Me Hits A Century!

100th post was the last one!


And here I was waiting to give ya'll some cake and all.

Oh well, 200 then.

Anyway, sometimes, being called the biggest asshole someone's encountered feels surprisingly empowering. I don't really know how to describe it, but coming from some people, it just feels sort of... nice. I feel like I've achieved something.

Thursday, January 22, 2009


The president's been sworn into powah
People are praising the buggah,
I'm supposed to be rejoicing,
but all I've been musing,
Is Obama rhymes with yo mama


The Return of The Getting To Know Me

Getting To Know My Friend The Zombie

My pal Barney here wanted to join in all the fun of this tagging business too, so I went through the list with him, me being the kind soul I am.

Barney: He's a nice guy when you get to know him

1) How are you today? Brilliant! Can't wait to go terrorise some scientists.

2) What did you want to be when you were little? An astronaut.

3) Favourite toy as a child? I was usually locked up in our basement back then. I guess I could say the occasional small child who wandered in could have been called a toy.

4) Education? Yes, my parent's thought it best to home school me, but even that stopped after ninth grade when I kept eating the teachers.

5) What is under your bed? Oh you know. Odds and ends.


6) Read any books? Why yes, it's quite a challenge keeping ourselves entertained while waiting for the next wave of erstwhile heroes. Death of a Salesman caught my eye, but so far it has been quite disappointing in terms of content.

7) Where are you from? My parents told me I was adopted.

8) Are you a people... er.. Person? Yes. I like people quite well. It may be a one way thing, but when I'm at the mall I go crazy with all the people there.

9) What kind of music do you listen to? I like the old recordings of ambient noises in Nazi concentration camps best but bands such as Slipknot and Marilyn Manson are a suitable alternative. But Miley Cyrus sounds good too.

10) Favourite genre? Death Metal and Pop.

11) Last movie you watched? The Night of the Living Dead. The people at the theater were not surprised to see us there and even asked for autographs. I am proud to say the Zombies are people too program seems to be making progress.

12) Currently employed at? Turtle Rock Studios and Valve. They recently released a videogame titled "Left 4 Dead", which features Differently Alive persons quite prominently.

13) What is your middle name? Well my friends call me 'Biter' but my real middle name is Hussein.

14) What characteristic do you most despise in people? Shotguns.

15) Are you a morning person or a night person? Well it depends. I really like the night because people are more scared, but I keep bumping into things, what with the regulation-zombie-walk and all.

16) Food you dislike? Persians. The cat, not the people. Actually, the Persian president, that Ahmedinejad fellow is an honorary member of Unconventionally and Differently Alive Demographics(UnDeAD).

17) If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? *glare*

18) First person you spoke to on the phone today? You might not have noticed that my fingers are not exactly suited to grasping small devices such as phones. But yes, thank you for reminding me.

19) When was the last time you cried? *GLARE*

20) Okay, okay... Hugs or kis-

What, why are...

Why are you getting up?



getoffmegetoffmegetoffme!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA


Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Come get to know ME, ingrates!

Now, I can't be having people like TheWhacksteR thinking they've got a bigger ego than me, so here I am with my own 15 questions, plus an extra post just to one-up that humble soul. As usual, I steal from here and there to make this up.

1) How are you today? Awesome

2) What did you want to be when you were little? Big

3) What do you want to be now that you're big? Little

4) Favourite toy as a child? "Vial of Immortality" - I think it really works. Been ten years now.

5) Education? You people think you're so smart because you went to "school"...

6) What is under your bed? Yo mama. Sorry. I mean dust.

7) Tech-head? Yes.

8) Read much? See previous post. What I really meant to say there is that I read a lot and I'm better than you.

9) Roots? Not really sure. Am the only one in my family born here. The parents were still in India before.

10) What do you think of everyone else? They are placed on earth to wait on me

11) Will you make up another four questions? No, I am too egotistical to care.


*Takes back crown

The Books

There are hundreds, maybe more than a thousand, books in my house. They are strewn all about, on bookshelves, display cases, on the TV, around the computer, even in the kitchen. Then there are the magazines. Thousands upon thousands of issues, from Television to Reader's Digest, and CHIP to Digit to Newsweek. Even the odd Nat Geo is seen lying around, mixed in with all the programming tomes and old school notebooks.

We've grown used to living with them. They seem content with just lying there gathering dust, waiting for one of us to rifle through them looking for something we missed before. Or a particularly good few pages that we'd like to read again. For our part, we provide them with a roof to exist under and occasionally pick one of them up, shake the dust off and carry it away somewhere to read and keep it back in another place, for someone else to pick up and read.

We, meaning my siblings and I, have grown up with them all around us. One of the first books I remember reading is the Reader's Digest Family Medical Handbook. A thick volume full of illustrations and notes on treating various ailments. Among other things, it had a section for parents on teaching adolescents about reproduction. I didn't know what I was reading at first, but suffice to say that a few years later, I was the first in my class to have found out some very surprising facts.

The books were our personal library. They got us reading and kept us hooked, from hiding under the covers with a light and reading through that Ira Levin novel that had that naked lady on the cover to reading through issue upon issue of thirty years of Television Magazine. Those magazines forged the tech-head circuitry into my mind better than any other form of motivation could.

Those books taught us about far away worlds, of protagonists fighting everything from terrorists to economic depressions. They described in minute detail what the world around us was made from. Regaled us with tales of bravery, adventures we would never have begun to imagine possible and stories that had us laughing out loud at every turn of a page. Created worlds in our heads we still escape to, people of outstanding moral fiber who we tried to emulate and a plethora of theories on everything from the creation of the earth to it's destruction, leaving us to pick and choose at whatever piqued our curiosity.

What I mean to say is, I am what I am because of books. Everything I write, everything you see, and if you've ever met me, things I say and do, are 80% those books living through me. Although, the contents of this blog might lead you to question the contents of those books. And I think my brother hoarded all the funny ones, the sneaky bastard.

Yesterday was the President of the world's inauguration. It was apparently a biggie. I was happily tapping away at my phone on eBuddy in the comfort of my bed. These moments, I wish to God I'd read more of them.


Anyway, speaking of Obama, a lot of people have him pinned as the reincarnation of Jesus. Why would he be any different just because he's black? He's not even really black, more brownish. I don't recall such a fuss when Clinton was around(Granted I was around five when he was inaugurated :P ). But whatever, I'm far from knowing what I'm talking about in politics. But I am pretty sure you people put too much faith in your politicians, and stop trying to pin that cynic badge on me.

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Of Hair(II) & Women

The Hair bit-----------

My hair's all screwy again. Not that it's too short, but now it's just too unmanageable. Yes yes, I always complain. Just like small children. They yell when they're happy, they yell when they're sad and they yell when you throw them in the garbage. Back to my hair, as some of you might remember, earlier my hair was too short. Then there was a brief period of perfect hair length, lasting about 43 seconds. I tried to take pictures, but it took too long and my hair went back to being mediocre. Now it's all strange. Right after a shower, it'll be malleable and will form into anything I wish. Then in a few minutes it goes back to being a stubborn SOB. It's sentient I tell you. But not sentient like cool transforming robots sentient. More down to earth. Very down to earth, like a gecko or something. Just barely aware of existing, yet living to make tour life a living hell. I don't know about the Geckos around your house, but mine launch little stones at me when I sleep. True story. But now it's just too lazy for me to get it to do anything right. So I'm wondering whether to grow it more and hope for the best or just chop it off like so many trees in a rain forest.

The Women bit----------

Yeah uh, I really don't remember why I titled this post "...Hair & Women". Just a general warning out to all males out there, for god's sake be careful when you zip up beware of the the newest 'most dangerous thing on the planet' that will ruin your life; The Woman Looking For A Friend(WoLFF). A WoLFF is a strange creature. It will make you want to repeatedly hit yourself with a blunt object. It will be all furry and cute at first and then bite you in the ass when you're not paying attention. I take the liberty to quote a very wise man in saying it is akin to going to a job interview, being the best of the lot, yet not being hired. Further, they will call you up frequently to complain about the person they DID hire, all the while extolling their qualifications, which are much inferior to yours. So stay the hell away from a woman who says she wants to be 'just friends' if you know what's good for you.

The " " bit------------

I discovered the next next best thing too. Milo and a blender. Psh, Domestic Goddesses and human cookie machines can't touch this.

**Now Playing**
Finally! Dismembering 'things' in Dead Space

Monday, January 19, 2009

The Next Best Thing Since Sliced Bread!

This weekend-

Started out brilliant, Friday was great, Saturday I got to meet a bunch of people again, albeit briefly, and with ice cream. Then later I discovered the next best thing since sliced bread. Chocos and ice cream. You should try it. It will be the easiest recipe you ever come across. Take sufficient amount of cereal, add milk to the bottom, then add ice cream on top. Don't worry about measuring things, measurements are for the weak. While thanking god for this divine gift upon mankind, I noticed the pack said something like "Part of a wholesome breakfast" and then pictures of fruits and things. Last time I checked, cereal WAS breakfast. Hell, I even eat the stuff for dinner. That's an advantage of growing up. You can act like a kid all you want and do all the things you wanted to do when you were one.

So Saturday _almost_ finished great. Then I discover my PC's got some sort of infection. So I think "It's just another autorun infection thingy, no biggie". I was wrong. So wrong I couldn't have been more wrong if I'd tried to send 'Lose Fat Fast' to Somalia. Turned out it was an actual virus and I spent most of Sunday trying to get rid of it. It looks clean now, but I'm still too afraid to open winamp without scanning it first, which I should be doing later today. Oh yeah, I haven't got an AV installed.

**Now Playing**
Removal of PE.SALITY and yet again installing Dead Space. :(

Friday, January 16, 2009

Stupid, STUPID!

THIS is why there should be a screening process before they let you use the internet.
Off the comments for the Macbook Wheel video from the onion, on YouTube. You know the world's screwed up when linux users start being like polymethasdg;lsahgas up there.

So I was thinking....

Something Mr. Darkside said on my last post got me thinking. "How can anyone with a job be so jobless?" he asked. Someone _might_ also have said "lol lol hehe my pink shorts are so fabulous!", but I digress. I don't know. About 99% of my posts are made during work. Which is puzzling, since I go through a regular stream of projects each day. Seriously, you should 'av seen the chicks clawing each other to get to me when I told them about my leet mesh modeling skillz.

Either way, the variables which affect post frequency from bloggers is a mystery to me, of the same sort as why women dig musicians. I mean, really, come on. Is it the instrument? Like some extension of their masculinity, much like a large pistol? If anything, wind instrument players should technically be more attractive to gay males. Some of my friends are in bands, some just play piano or drums for fun, I even met a friend the other day who was on his way to guitar classes. I play my walkman. It puts out ALL those instruments, fools. Is it the personality? Hell no, Me > emo singer, and minus the pansy arsed guitar swinging and stuff.

And to get back from that topic deviation... I post whatever comes to mind as I work. Maybe the rest of you have jobs with about as much excitement as an undertaker's office, but you can't all be like that, surely? I guess it just comes down to whether you really WANT to post something. Losing interest is probably it.

Well anyway, I'm feeling all giggly now because I'm covered in glitter. Yes yes, bring on the faggotry quips, you office drones, it's a long story. Also, Heroes season 3 has a sort of happy ending! yays. Now on to HIMYM se04.

***Now Playing***
Extraction and installation of Dead Space. God, it takes forever.

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Blogs I Read(And other things)

Here's another not funny post, Mr Fallen. You might have noticed that if I could keep pumping out posts like that I'd be doing stand up instead of messing with a workstation* for eight hours a day.

Reading through someone's blog, you see how they change, they sort of.. hone their personality. I've no idea whether people actually change in real life, but their writing becomes more refined, sort of. Most of the time I don't even know why I started reading a blog regularly. Sometimes the content is interesting, and other times even the comments draw me in. And in some blogs, the person writing it just seems like a decent sort. Whatever reason it is, you tag along for the rest of their posts and almost become friends. Well, online friends then. And these usually end up better than most online relationships, many of which start off with asl and end with stfu.

And now, to finish this thing off, I need just a few more commas and fullstops. These are my most frequented feeds. If you're not in it, chances are I just drop by randomly. Nah, I'm just being nice. You suck.

- Alphabetical order-title. Google reader, blogs and blog-like things. Please excuse me for the pointless text. Just needed some cannon fodder for the links. Also note that the text has nothing to do with the links. I meant to put in something about how frequently people blog, or something, too. Just imagine I did. It would help if you imagined I said something funny after that too.

*It's not really a workstation, just a crappy mid-range dual core, struggling to keep up. But workstation sounds so much cooler.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Freedom Talk

Lately, there's been a lot of action going around about freedom of speech. Apparently even TheWhackster got out a post on the topic, in between all whacking. I think everyone's got their collective panties in a bunch because of mob. At the risk of having more play-shit slung at me, I think you're all a bit too jumpy. Freedom of Speech also entails restraining yourself? A bit contradictory, is it not? Were you not the ones who were defending the freedoms of those Danish cartoonists when they were being shelled by all those radicals? Then why I ask do you yell bloody murder when someone says you suck? Everyone has an opinion.

Think about it like this. You're back in school and someone accuses you of being a well, nicely put, something equal to 'one who engages in orally servicing male genitals'. What would you do?

Trolls on the internet come in many different forms. Some aren't really even trolls. They just mess with you to make others laugh. Some mess with you to get some weird kick out of it. Some just want to enlighten you on the latest deals in penis enlargement techniques. You either play along, ignore or report them, depending on the situation. Like everyone says, you don't HAVE to read it, and for God's sake, go get a sense of humour. Don't get me wrong, a lot of people should be banned from using the internet, as you can see on practically any YouTube video's comments section, but if the world followed those views, we wouldn't even have maddox now would we?

On a completely unrelated note, BARS cafe pizza sucks.

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

How do you people keep coming up with names for posts?!

My earphones stopped working right yesterday. I was walking along the street and suddenly Chris Cornell is drifting to the right. Speaking of streets, colombo gets pretty deserted after 7pm. You can waltz along, singing out of tune and nobody will notice. I hope.

But what struck me as I came to work this morning is the sheer variety and splendour of just plain noise. The noise that surrounds me on my usual trip is usually kept away from my ears by some rubber in-ear buds. But today I was treated to the full effect of birds singing and the symphony that is a thousand vehicles each chiming in at random intervals to somehow, miraculously form a melody. Even the trees were vehement in the voicing of their interpretation of the wind.

But I missed most of it cos I was sleepy as hell.

Nobody cares about that stuff anyway, other than tree huggers and hippies.

Anyway, I've been hearing a lot lately about 'being different'. Now, I'm cool with anyone doing what they want to do, but it just bugs me when people try to act all retarded for the sake of it. Or worse, just to get attention. 'Oh I licked that tree cos you KNOW I'm craaazy'. Different is sometimes good, but you have to understand that different can also mean like black guy at a KKK meeting. Just don't be an idiot.

***Now Playing:
Crysis Warhead is funner than the first one. The first one suxxored.

Monday, January 12, 2009


Have you seen

Decisions, Decisions

I always hate making big decisions. Where to go, what to buy, or not to buy. Actually, the not to buy bit doesn't really cross my mind much. The money for that uber-yummy cake might well feed some African family for weeks, but can you eat them afterwards?

Anyway, this making big decisions thing is further hindered by my unshakeable feeling of being a cut above the rest. I know my head can't get much bigger and all that, but it's still there. I have no idea where it came from. One day, suddenly, whoa, I'm king of the earth. Or should be. Though it does help at job interviews and assignments and stuff. I'm practically certain I've come out in front. That is, if it's one of those things I like doing. Though the fact that I've only been to one interview might have shored up that feeling quite a bit...

But what it does in making these huge fate of the universe changing decisions is create large-ish questions along the lines of "what if". What if I did B instead of A? What if C is really the evil twin of A?


Just realised this post makes no sense. Tis about higher education.

Saturday, January 10, 2009


So I've got myself a flat round pie to keep me company as I work. I slowly take out a slice, and take the first bite. Feels. Good. With the slice poised in my left hand, I take a break from photoshop and start clicking through my regular sites. The usual goings on. Then on to the blogs. The usual, but Recent Events seem to have nailed in a tone of desperation to the anti-war and general anti-government posts. I look to see my first slice is already over. Get another. Read through the posts and see first the attack on a TV station. Petrol bombed. It seems not all that comes out of fuel price reductions is good. Oh look, second slice down the hole. Everyone's starting to take notice of what's going on. Indifference used to prevail round these parts. The war had been going on for decades and people just got used to it. Now that an outspoken journalist has been killed, an uproar starts. Only to slowly dwindle away again, I fear. I move onto my last few slices. Notice how you slow down and try to make those last few bites last longer? You just relish the taste in your mouth for a few seconds. A click here and a click there bring me to yet another post about how our country is going to hell in a handbasket. Press Freedom is merely a single casualty in a rolling sea of errors we are told. But people just go on. I'm on my last piece now. Better enjoy it.


Short, but crap writing, mediocre writing, or good writing?

*Now Playing : Crysis warhead

Friday, January 9, 2009

Note the header

See? Through my whole life, I have never done what I just did. I added a blog header image thigymabob.

Look at it. Now I know there are at least three of you people reading this out there, so tell me, how is it? Now now, don't pretend you didn't just read tha- TAKE THAT POINTER OFF THE LITTLE x! - It's okay, I won't bite. This will probably be the same style I employ for the next title.

And possible names for the new name have been drafted. In no particular order,
  • mad leet
  • teh chronicles of smarmia
  • godmode
  • jerry's blog
  • Grand Theft Otto
  • Jerry?
  • me 2.0
  • - The blog formerly known as "A Sort of Bea..."

Though I'm inclined towards mad leet and just jerry's blog. :/
Can't call it 'The Jester' for fear of stealing the Court Jester's thunder, or rather just temporarily borrowing it, as people will notice soon enough and go back to reading his blog and occasionally posting discouraging comments on mine about copying people. Same goes for

Thursday, January 8, 2009


I just got called a bitch by a nine year old.

Evil little monster is going to get a pair of scissors and some running shoes for his next birthday. The problem should solve itself.

His parents will be thanking me for saving his soul. I'd imagine the fellow would be tending the fires of hell in between his day job of molesting sheep or something in a few years, if not for my intervention.


Anyway, no electricity at work. They're fixing a power box thing right outside, so I'm off in a bit...

Have fun working, suckas! :P

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

It's Red and White!

Am I the only one who hasn't see that Airtel ad? :(

*Checks utoob.

Whee. Music is apparently by A.R. Rahman. Coo... If I buy one I get a conference call with SRK.

AS you might have noticed, yesterday was a completely unproductive day. I got more work done while fiddling with my phone trying to get it out from under me, having fallen asleep on top of it, this AM.

Must go find someplace to go register a new SIM. A place which doesn't have a queue that stretches all the way to the moon. They let you apply with five numbers, it seems. So I can try stuff like 0757-7JERRY, 0757JESTER, GERALD, WETCAT and CHEESE and stuff. I'm the only Jerry I know, and the only other Gerald I know of is eight. But he's not as awesome as me so I can beat him to a sim. Don't know anyone called Cheese or Wetcat either. Though i didn't look through a directory or anything. It's high time I got off this prepaid thing anyway.

Dialog will be wondering why there are so many SIMs going inactive all of a sudden. Or maybe they won't. All I know is, the word of mouth alone on this thing beats any publicity some of the smaller mobile operators command.

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A Short Story of Popups and Doomsday

Hmmm... What's this? A strange web page just "popped" up and is saying "Your computer is broadcasting an IP adress!" Dear lord, really? I'll have to put a stop to this. "Click here to install 'Spyware Destroyer 2000' that will stop all spyware from invading your computer and slaughtering your children".


"Bwahahahaha! You have just sealed your DOOM! We will now install VirusBot version 3, which is one version newer than 2, and also has a lot more hairy tentacles! Your PC will wither and die, but not before it infects you and causes you to start licking railway tracks with a vengeance."

Oh noes. *clickclickclickclick!!CLICK!

*computer starts to rumble

*computer sprouts limbs, sets monitor atop itself, as a head.

*monster flicks aside hapless user, and ravages the office

*spyware-infected-PC-cum-evil-minion-of-hell goes on to burn the user's fields, and to hear the lamentations of it's women.

*whole cities destroyed

*monster explodes after touching a copy of Cyberlink PowerDVD 5. God that sucks.

*everyone retreats to underground nuclear fallout shelters.

---20 years pass---

*popup of a cat in an everyday situation, but _captioned_

*a man slowly creeps out of shelter

*looks around

"woo! lol All's cleer!"

*man is hailed as hero of the times, is awarded newly instituted "Nuclear Fallout Shelter Lookout Of The Year" award.

*man slowly fades from public eye


So children, stay away from popups. And do not click on anything on the internet. Just stare at whatever page it throws at you when you open up your browser. It'll make my life much easier and I won't get so many annoying calls asking for help with PC's.


i.e. Stop Calling Me. Yes, YOU.

Untitled 2

You know what's always bothered me? Rock-paper-scissors. Specifically, paper. Fine, rock beats scissor, scissor beats paper. But no way in hell can paper beat rock.

I mean, come on. A rock would just tear through that shit. Paper's suposed to magically "cover" rock and rock dies. Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson should call himself "The Paper". I'm surprised there aren't millions of school kids suffocating to death from A4 sheets sticking to their faces.

I'm just gonna keep picking rock from now on. See if any paper can "cover" me again...

Slow day today. Bored.

Now Playing : Bioshock

Monday, January 5, 2009

Nerds, werds and festivals

Most people who know me will attest to the fact that I'm such a nerd I'll say my new year's resolution is 1440x900. But as my recent A/L results show, I'm clearly not a nerd, since you have to actually be good at hitting the books to qualify.

But anyway, have you noticed people using the word "pwned" a lot? At this rate, some internet geek in the near future is going to think he's funny by 'misspelling' it as owned. Same thing for pr0n.

The Galle lit fest is coming up, and all the heavyweight bloggers of kottu will pack off to that sun baked rock in the south. My only experience in that place was when I was just getting down with appendicitis, so you'll understand if I don't seem too keen on the place.

Since the target audience of the thing is people who read books written by authors who use words like 'indubitably' and 'insensate', I wouldn't be going even if I had the money to spare. I'm sure they're useful when you're playing scrabble or something. Me, I like to gergantiunation words I don't understand into sentences, you know, to sound smart. It's worked so far, got me a job and all. But I'm not all Conan-the-barbarian when it comes to words, I found out that 'Thesaurus' wasn't a type of dinosaur quite early on in my life, and would be the first to grab a good Terry Pratchett off a secondhand bookstore shelf.

Well, I look forward to the verdicts of you men and women of (long)words on the festival.


What the hell is going on in fort this morning?

Friday, January 2, 2009

Blogs on 2008 - Analysis

A Comprehensive Analysis of Blog Reactions to The Year Two Thousand And Eight
by Jerry

Lots of people, including me, made posts about last year and how great/okay/horrible it was. All around the blogosphere, the reactions were many and varied, but a definite trend was to be seen.

Most of the males thought it was great, and most of the females thought it was merely bareable, but mostly bad. There were a few dissenters, females AND males who thought it absolutely sucked, but those are the same people who'd go around dressed like a raccoon and faking a drug habit for the 'tortured artist' look. No, I'm not pointing any fingers :P

Since around 80% of bloggers are female, which I assume is due to some horrible accident in the space-time continuum, the overall outlook of the blogosphere for 2009 is : bleak.

So from the male-female thing going on here, I draw the conclusion that cheese is indeed better than frosted car tires.

Anyway, I hear crackers going off all over, celebrating the capture of Kilinochchi. Though I'm a bit disappointed by the progress(:P) The way it was going, since last year we should have captured around a third of India too by now.

And last but not least, blog name's gonna change. I just realized that I have no idea why I picked this title, and that i don't really like it. I mean, look at it.

Plus, it's not like my six million- my thousands the hundreds both my readers would care much about it. So it's going down, as soon as I think of something to put up there.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

So, in retrospect

Last year was awesome. It was the last year of school, my first job, and a few months of doing absolutely nothing all rolled into one orbital cycle. It had it's fair share of crap, but that's unavoidable. Although I'm a bit... disappointed, by the farewell 2008 was given. Not even a firecracker.

This year actually felt different. It was freezing in the morning, so cold my ni-.. oh, BE's already done that one. So cold a liquid nitrogen bath would have been warm? Nah... Very cold anyway. Since I had to come to work today, I promptly dressed and had breakfast while playing the last bit of Mass Effect. So my first act of the year was to finish that brilliant game. I know, my geekitude can't be shrugged off too easily. I try. But seriously, the feeling that you've saved the galaxy, and the feeling of "Ha! Take THAT, reapers!!" at the beginning of the year is priceless.

Also, do NOT try to watch "The Bank Job" when your parents are around. Uncomfortable is not the word.