Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Some people go out to parties. Though it being a weekday might stifle the crowd a bit. Some others stay at home with family. Some prefer to spend a quiet evening with their friends.
I celebrate by ordering pizza at work. Yeah, I know. I rock. :(
Half of it even got cold because some woman came in looking for a bit of paper which had to be printed. By me.
I'd be very depressed if she hadn't been attractive.
Whoops. There I go again with the "All men are perverts" thing.
Oh Merriness, why must you evade me so this season?
The first should always fall on a weekend. Now it's going to flash by just like this Christmas did. This year's Christmas was a total bore. The only difference was that there was a lot more to eat. But other than that, it felt just like any other day. I'm pretty sure there was supposed to be something about a dude being born in a crib somewhere, and I think MTV is involved. And three dudes who were rich. Or kings. They gave the newborn some valuables so they could evade the IRS. Or something. I'm pretty sure none of that happened last week.
Anyway, Happy New Year all!
Also, read this by Jack Point. Makes you think about all those reports you hear in the news, like "Minor explosion in Jerusalem, one flower pot knocked over and two dogs scared. 300 palestinians die in retaliatory missile attacks."
Monday, December 29, 2008
Many of you read many blogs. Many of you also keep bookmarking your favourites, and some of you still type in the address of whatever blog you want to visit.
I introduce to thee, Google Reader!
Well not 'I', but.. them. Anyway, since any who don't know about google reader don't know about RSS readers, here's a brief explanation.
An RSS reader, or a feed reader, lets you view the content from all your favourite blogs/sites all in one place. You merely provide the link to your URL of interest once and it will keep updating automatically. Each time there is new content on a listed site, it will report back to your feed reader.
Pics are below.
1) Click here to add a link. This can be a blog address or even a blog name. If you enter a blog name, it will throw up a search results page and you can select which feed to subscribe to. Provide a URL (eg : http://thejestah100.blogspot.com) and it will automatically find the RSS feed from it and add the site, in the example, my blog.
2) This is a list of your subscriptions. Click on one of your subscribed links to see what content has been posted. If you subscribed to my blog, all my posts would be listed when you click on my blog name.
3) This is the content thingy. All the posts from the feed you have chosen are listed here. Click on a title to get the full post. To go to the blog or site, click on the little circle with two arrows in it.
4) This is what a post looks like, in Reader.
-click for large size
Hopefully this will help anyone who has to laboriously click through long lists to see if any new posts have been made.
I'll ignore the fact that most of it was written in the last three months. Also the fact that this is going to be by far my most disjointed post.
- Losing your glasses is like living in a dream. It's all literally just a blur for a while. Thankfully I'm not too handicapped by it. After a while I got used to it.
- As technology progresses, we go from smart people in front of dumb terminals to dumb people in front of smart terminals.
- Master Chief is only a letter away from Master Chef. Halo anyone?
- KFC! The only thing missing is U!
- If I were stuck on some deserted island for eternity, I would make a girl out of coconuts. Even though it is highly likely she'll want to be 'just friends'.
- Everyone needs goals. Even if they're goals such as "I'm gonna eat that ice cream if it kills me".
- People who go "people suck/change/'shouldn't be trusted'" suck. People means you too. Besides, acting like every person you meet is an axe murderer is just lame. I usually ask people and they say no, they haven't murdered any axes recently. But I guess it would bode well for me only if I was an axe. All that from the note "emo, axe murderer".
- And then there's this note for which I can't remember the explanation. "Making things is progress, boring. Life withoutu conflict is teh goal". I dunno. Maybe I tend to go all existential on my phone's ass when I'm half asleep.
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Monday, December 22, 2008
Well anyway, since I won't be posting again this season, Merry Christmas to everyone! Here's a chrismassy wallpaper(1440x900), in case you get a toilet brush or something in your stocking.
Full size -
Friday, December 19, 2008
...That it would be illegal to hit it.
...That it still wears diapers.
Meh, was bored. Had phone. Thoughts of that phrase and how to pervert it running through mind.
Good night, those of you not staying up till the wee hours. I lie in bed with this heinous illness.
That brings me to my next point(!), which is - Play Racedriver GRID. It looks bloody brilliant, and is guaranteed to be more fun than... something very funny. But stay away if you prefer the more arcade-ish environments of Need for Speed. This one has a much grittier feeling to it. The developers, Codemasters, are the same guys who made the Colin McRae series. And I assume their marketing engine is crap. If they had to advertise McDonalds, they'd have a motto like "Sliced Cow with Vegetables", and as I read somewhere, KFC would be "Warm Dead Bird". They should've just stuck a little label on all the NFS:Undercover boxes saying "Don't like this game? Thought so. But THIS instead - [pic]".
This post was in draft for two days, and as I finish this up, I'm sick again. Not just a common cold either. I'm pretty sure it's the Bubonic Plague. Let's see.... "Ring round the rosies(?), pocket full of posies, we all fall down...."
Or it could just be a fever.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
1) Be good. This goes without saying, but most people ignore it. This can be a fatal mistake. Being good makes people think "Hey, there's a nice guy, I think I shall buy him something this December". Don't be mislead by the "Sugar and spice and everything nice" line. Sugar is not nice, trust me. And the last time I used spices on anyone they sued me for assault.
2) Remind people. Use any medium possible. But be subtle. A bad message would be "Hello All. Christmas is coming up. Last year, I got many warm greetings and good wishes. Now I have enough to last a lifetime. Send cash or goods, you cheap bastards. Merry Christmas!" A better way to convey that message would be to send a gentle reminder that Christmas is approaching, and hint that you might have something for them. "Hi x! The merriest time of the year is afoot! Santa might have some space in his bag for [thing that friend has been eying] this year. *wink" This does not mean that you must deliver on it. If the friend is brash enough to ask, you can merely brush it off with "You still believe in Santa? Ho Ho Ho biarch!" Hopefully this will be AFTER your chosen friend has gifted you something and you are busily unwrapping it.
3) Do not spread the joy to people that some would dislike. So your holiday greeting card should read "May your days be merry and filled with joy! ...Except for Gehan, he's a bitch" (Just kidding buddy, I'm just bitter I have to go through Christmas looking like a douche :D )
4) Go caroling. Sing Christmas songs. "White Christmas" has much use beyond being racist propaganda. It can be used to trick many an old lady into thinking you are a mere 11 year old. And don't be mislead. Old people have huge stockpiles of useful things. If all else fails, you can just take their pills and sell them on the black market. Pressure and Cholesterol pills are pretty expensive. Just make sure to label them "v-i-a-g-r-a".
5) This should only be done if everything else turns out to be worthless. Steal from Santa. How hard could it be? Big fat man, plus, he'll be stuck in your chimney. But wait. If you have a chimney, here in Sri Lanka you're probably some rich twat. So no, wait for Santa to break in through a window. Keep a cricket bat handy.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
Friday, November 28, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
He took out his shaving thingy, and swish, he stabbed it into my scalp. As he slowly pulled it away, I realized that I could see a bit more of my head than I'm used to. So I open my mouth to tell him to stop, but realized it wouldn't do any good since then I'd just look like Dr. Frankenstein cut my hair. So, with a look much like you see on inmates' faces when they are put to their first haircut at prison, I sat through it and let Mr. Sweeny Todd have his way with my hair.
So now I look like I went AWOL from the army.
Bleh, shit post.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
But be serious for a sec. I was laughing out loud when I finally realized what it is they meant. They'll probably be stoned to death on the streets or mowed over by a truck.
And hey, don't knock this post. This is raising awareness isn't it? :P
Also, first post off mobile. God, that took forever to type...
Friday, November 21, 2008
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Back to the story : The dude's taking a leisurely walk in the hills somewhere and suddenly there's this crazy wild cat walking towards him, acting all uppity. So he does the sensible thing and tries to back off slowly. But the cat's in a bad mood today, so it decides to get all up in his face.
Our dude ain't gonna take any of that lying down, so he pulls out his knife and stands at the ready to give the bobcat a good beating down. The cat lunges, and through some freak accident our hero drops his knife. So he wrestles around with the cat for a bit. He starts feeling around on the ground, looking for the knife, all while this cat is eating his head off. He gets it!
Since his head is likely inside the ev0l cat's mouth, he blindly stabs the knife. But alas! He has stabbed his own other hand! Now, I'm sure he did this to make the fight a bit more interesting, but nonetheless... He gets the knife again. This time, he plunges it deep into the cat's neck, drawing much blood. The cat goes all D: on him and starts thrashing around, letting go of him, and our victor rises up, to survey his kill.
Apparently he was receiving treatment for many months after.
So everyone, if you ever have to fight a wild animal, here is the bible to your barbaric journey. I mean polar bears and things are mean things. I even heard of a mad leet polar bear who could fly. You never know when you're gonna run into one of em, say, camping in Sinharaja or something.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Just look at it. It looks uninhabited save for a few roads and large buildings. Highways are just silver streaks through a green ocean.
It's cool though, this means we can pollute all we want and cut down many more trees till they start becoming scarce.
When the day eventually comes when the rest of the world is either dying of skin cancer or freezing to death, we in Sri Lanka will be happily lying under the shade of a nice big tree.
"And then suddenly, nothing happened"
So, much to my chagrin, I've never -
- Had a ridiculously hot nurse fuss over me. I was... exhilarated, to say the least, when I got appendicitis. Suffice to say, I was not a happy patient.
- Seen anyone's evil/good twin show up after the death of said person. Beware, this assumption can get you into trouble.
- Turned into a [name of small mammal or insect]-man after being bitten by anything, radioactive or not. Being under my bed for that long would turn anything into a mutant super power-giving mini-super being. I have a hunch the hulk isn't real.
- Choked on anything. Seriously. I mean, who chokes to death? Even my dog can cough it out.
- Had a laugh track in my life. This is really confusing. I expected raucous laughter whenever I made a funny, and yet, surprise surprise, nothing happened.
- Found that my friends always hang out at a particular place all the time. I tried walking into the coffee shop near where I work, and was greeted only by the strange old man at the corner table. If they were there yesterday, surely they should be there today too. Maybe they've gone to...work, or study.
- Never had this much fun
- Or felt this isolated at times.
Re: working, that is.
- Never had a post that didn't have a single typo on first pasting. Till this one, that is. :D
Friday, November 14, 2008
STFU by ~thejester100 on deviantART
While you're at it, check out the rest of my stuff up there too. :D
Something's wrong with the interwebs I tell you. "Leaving Town" is still occasionally sprinkled across the radio waves, yet his album does not grace the pages of the almighty ISOhunt.
Granted, This isn't exactly legal, but still. One of the sites listed the album as having been seeded "So long ago".
Anyway, been watching lots of movies and stuff these past few days. If you're looking for a quick opinion on what movies to get, and which ones to avoid like the plague, look no further! This is the be-all end-all of movie lists for... the last week!
Taken - Awesomeness. Not by any particularly brilliant story or acting, but just the character Liam Neeson plays in it(Refer previous post). He's an ex-CIA guy whose daughter gets kidnapped and is in the thick of a human trafficking network.
BABYLON A.D. - Sorta interesting, not too memorable though. And I have no idea what it is they're implying. :/
Untraceable - Tech-Comedy. Takes a brave new approach to comedy movies by taking the "Scary Movie" like concept of emulating an actual thriller storyline, but minus all the exaggeration and laughing. Except in the fake tech department. Oh, yeah, it was in the "Tech Thriller" category for some reason... weird.
The Whole Nine Yards - Finally found this movie. Highly recommended! Matthew Perry is now my favourite "Friends" character.
Transformers:Animated - Not too great. It's just a single episode of the cartoon stretched to movie length.
A Beautiful Mind - Second time I'm watching, but even so it was brilliant. A must watch. Story of John Nash. Schizophrenia is cool. Also, Russel Crowe's "southern" accent is freakin amazing!
Tropic Thunder - A fun fest of a movie. Lots of big names. But they certainly deliver. Cast includes Jack Black, Ben Stiller and Robert Downey Jr. No, he's not in THAT suit this time. Set in the present, it's about a bunch of actors shooting a Vietnam war movie out in Vietnam, and getting caught up in the middle of an actual battle. Pretty funny impression of Russel Crowe by Downey.
Heroes(se03) - Watched only the first two episodes for now, but it looks pretty good. Lots of new villains and different storylines mixing up. It's turning into a comic book now, as opposed to the "Heroes:The Soap" type thing earlier.
How I met your mother(se03) - Watched through the entire season and it is awesome! Funny as hell but we still don't see an ending. Must get se04. Marshall lets rip another slap on Barney.
Life's messed up. I don't know how the hell it happened, but it is. What triggered this onslaught of insecurity, you ask? Well, yeah, I'm usually the least depressed/moody guy in a group, and I'm about as pro-emo hunting as you can get, but damn, something's up. It all started in the bus yesterday, as I was heading home with a shiny new video card for my PC when "leaving Town" started to play. That cow Dexter Freebish set off a particularly angsty string of thought in my mind, one I thought I'd banished long ago. It was probably sitting in a corner writing bad poetry or something... Either way, it got me thinking. What am I gonna do next? Why oh why have I wasted away my entire school life? When am I gonna stop working and DO something? Why did I not shout out the name of that girl I really liked who I thought passed me on the street earlier in the day? Why are sheep smelly?
Then, as usual god decided to throw a bolt of lightning at me and started playing "Graduation Song". Eventually after a bit of mulling over meeting up with friends more often, I got back to relative normalcy.
Anyway, that's it. Feels good to get that out of my head and onto this... thing.
...Now, me off to dl "A life of Saturdays"
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
I know what you're up to. Your domination over this world has been exposed to me like so much leg at a strip joint. You yammer on and on about how women are oppressed and "looked down upon". This is a blatant lie. You know why? Because WE, men, are biologically programmed to always be under the finger of you women. We can't help it. All you women make posts saying how men are always "annoying" you by hitting on you and the like. Yet you have all the power. You don't see women standing in bus stops staring at men, slack jawed as a cow do you?
Let me give you a few examples.
1) A woman walks up to a man and goes "Hey handsome, wanna go somewhere?" And before she can finish the sentence, she will be swept up on her feet and on the way to much merry making.
2) A man walks up to a woman on the street and goes "Hey beautiful" and that is all he will remember. Till he wakes up from his coma, that is. Then he'll have flashbacks of screams and yells of "rapist!", visions of shoe soles being flung, and the occasional "nugegodahomagamahomagamahomagamaaa!". Eventually, after regaining the use of his arms, he will go back to a relatively normal life again.
So you see, we know about you little "hurt puppy" act. We're not gonna fall for it.
And don't give us all that "Where would you be without us women?".
I say, "Still in the garden of Eden, hag".
Monday, November 3, 2008
I watched it. yes.
Anyway, I liked it too. Now, don't get me wrong. I'm as much a jackass as any guy out there, and would never own up to liking this movie in person. But well, since I probably won't see anyone who reads this for some time, or at least till you forget, s'okay.
Now, my experience with musicals is limited to just three movies. This, Hairspray and Phantom of the Opera. Nevertheless, I shall give you an in-depth and thorough review of this movie. :P
The story's pretty straightforward, just run of the mill stuff. And in the end we don't even know who the father is either. Oh yeah, there might be spoilers in here. But it was a fun movie. Just that saying it out loud could get you beaten up in public. I dunno, is it a chick movie? It sure has all the ingredients...
Shallow story, Fairytale-ish occurrences sprinkled about and lots of "Girl Power". Which reminds me, Why can't we have "Man Power"? :D Another post or another day I guess.
And now onto the PS's -
Ever noticed how the music you listen to sets your mood? I put on some Tool on my way home, and felt like staring down everyone in sight. Then I switch to Sarah Brightman, and I'm all "..." and "peace, brother". :/
And does anyone know what the starting lyrics of "Hymn to Her" by the Pretenders mean?
"Ive been your lover
From the womb to the tomb
I dress as your daughter
When the moon becomes round
You be my mother
When everything's gone"
Just sounds like some serious incest going on in there, like a redneck family reunion...
Thursday, October 30, 2008
I'm through with the bus. I can't stand it.
I get up in the morning, ready myself. All clean and pristine, the smell of my deodorant just pungent enough to intrigue. Clean shaven and aftershave-en face. Perfect.
Then I walk to hell.
Stand by the road, waiting for one to appear around the bend, with about as much hope as a turkey at thanksgiving that it'll be relatively empty. One comes along. I get in, push through the people standing by the door and swivel on my feet in the middle aisle, looking impatient. God, I look like a jackass. Pay the fare.
Eventually someone gets up right next to me. I look over at the empty seat left over, and mosey over. Then, like those bastard drivers who steal parking spaces, some runt materializes from the depths and quickly deposits him/herself in the seat. You never see them before they separate from the pack. Ya see, they're like a herd of zebras. And much like the lion, you never see the individual for the herd. Just that lions don't try public transport.
So after this ritual repeats many times over, I finally get a seat. Then I promptly get up again to get off the bus. When I finally reach work, I am about as pristine as a wet chicken. This is the kind of thing that drives a straight man to become a metrosexual. He'll get so messed up in the bus, he has to spend hours in the gents room making up for it. Seriously! Why do you think they call it METROsexual? See the connection? It sounds like someone who has sex on the french subway system. Or with it... I'm not sure...
Anyway, back to the bus. On the way home, it'll be a completely different story. I can get a seat. Great. But woe is the person who gets an "aisle seat", so to speak. Many will be the old geezers bumping into you. I'm a regular guy, I'd say. I'm all for some fair maiden placing herself on my lap in the bus, but if you're some 40+ smarmy man, stay the hell away.
But, I have no choice. I'm stuck on these stupid things.
Goddamn I hate buses.
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
You don't notice the one I post first.
That is, according to google analytics. I am yet to think of a viable explanation for this yet, and yes, I DO want people to read what I write. I do not profess to "just write my thoughts down". I AM narcissistic.
And thank god for firefox's spell check.
So, one post a time now.
Monday, October 13, 2008
My theory is concerning Poya Days, or full moon days when we Sri lankans all get a holiday, and why we have them. Well, here it is :
Many thousands of years ago, back when Buddhism was just arriving, there lived a clan of werewolves in Sri Lanka. There were also regular humans around, as you might have been taught.
Now, these two "factions" could have lived in harmony if not for the fact that werewolves love kurakkan. And the villagers had it in abundance.
Also, the werewolves were at their most powerful during the full moon. Therefore, to protect themselves from the werewolf menace, the villagers built mini-forts and holed up in these dome shaped structures(Because everyone knows werewolves hate domes) and waited out the full moon with their kurakkan safely stored in the forts.
And so eventually the werewolves died of starvation since they couldn't get any kurakkan.
That is, in it's entirety, my theory on why we have poya days.
Below is the evidence -
Notice the rising sun, commonly seen in sunny paradise isles like ours. Also the distinctly tropical trees in the background.
And the final piece of evidence -
So I decided to see what exactly cynicism is. So, onto wikipedia.
Apparently, cynic literally means "dog-like". Certain Greek philosophers in ancient Greece decided to pursue happiness by giving up all materialistic cravings and just living as is. Shocking, I would've thought they meandered around with an evil look on their faces and making snide remarks about everything.
So, when exactly did this change? Seems it was ye olde writers who did it. Shakespeare and his brethren. The bastards.
So now we have a bunch of people prancing about with a "more-jaded-than-thou" attitude and trying to be sarcastic at every turn. Cynicism's fine, just don't pretend to be one when your life is all rainbows and lollipops for everyone.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
But I keep getting this nagging feeling of being just a little too early to jump onto the work bandwagon. Everyone’s studying. Not me. I had enough of that to last me a lifetime. Though I do realize I’ll have to get back to it sometime soon.
Which leaves the question – What am I going to do now?
You’ve all heard it, people saying that their ideal partner is someone “funny”. If that were true, we should be a race of comedians by now. Instead, I find people who wouldn’t know a joke if it was slapped on their faces by Jet Lee. People aren’t looking for funny. They THINK they are. Yes, I think I’m funny. My ego cannot grow any larger. I admit it. Now that we have that out of the way, have you ever noticed how most people take in everything you say seriously? Even when it is so outrageous that anybody who believed it would not say it out loud, and instead wear a white hooded cape and gather with the rest of their group in the woods to talk about it. For example, I recently claimed that all feminists are bra burning armpit sniffers. I get a cold look and “Really? That’s what you think about the women’s lib movement?”. I give a nice, cheery “Yup, and the rest of ‘em are only fit to stay at home with the kids. Otherwise god would have given men mammaries! Har!”
To which I get the reply “Ooookaaaay…. I hope you don’t have any plans on getting married.”
Why is that the general comeback of nearly all females when someone says stuff like that? It assumes that our goal in life is to get hitched to some Nazi feminist. I’m eighteen for Chrissakes! I don’t know what I’m going to do tomorrow, let alone about marriage!
What is so hard to notice about sarcasm? Why do people keep thinking there are actually people who believe that stuff, and that they would pour it all out to them of all people? This applies to both genders.
Point is, people say they want humor. What they want is “Okay, so a priest and a gerbil walk into a bar…”
Pffft. Generalization is fun.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Don’t let em play with bombs and hidin in trucks,
Make em be Doctors and Lawyers and such
Mamas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Suicide Bombers…
They’ll never stay home and they’re always alone,
Even with someone they love
A bomber ain easy to love, an he’s harder to hold,
He’d rather give you an arm than diamonds or gold
One-pull bomb triggers and old faded devices,
And each night begins a new fire
If you don’t understand him
An he don’t die young,
He’ll prob’ly just blow himself up
That’s as far as I got. Can’t make out the rest of this song too accurately… Maybe later when I take a look at the lyrics.
1) Learning to Cook by Some Author - Extremely Useful.
2) The Rotary Guide to Indian Food – Apply methods from above book into this.
3) The Bible – The soul needs some form of relief in these trying times.
Regarding novels and things, I really can’t pick out a top three. I just remember a few notable ones I read recently were “The Life of Pi by Yann Martel” and “Reaper Man by Terry Pratchett”. But most of the stuff I read these days is off the net. Some pretty interesting stuff can be dug up at ubersite.com.
Friday, September 12, 2008
And it's tiring. I didn't realize how hard it is to just do nothing for weeks. Yes, it takes effort to do nothing. That's why they call it "Actively doing nothing".
Anyway, my mother's not home for two weeks, so most meals are now improvised. I had roti and chocolate sauce for breakfast today :/ Yes, tis a hard life, and my last journal entry read thus -
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Anyway, I’m in the middle of my final exams now, and it feels… the same as before. Just hasn’t hit me that I’ll be leaving.
There will be lots of people I’ll never again see, and some whom will probably keep texting me incessantly till I die. So a big Screw You All! Going out to anybody I hate. All the others, I shall keep in touch. I’ll try. Okay I’ll finally add you people on facebook. Having just twenty odd friends on it gets pretty boring. And creepy.
I haven’t been posting much these days, not because of the lack of time due to exams but just general laziness. But thank you for thinking it was because of the former :D I hope to find more things to write about after I’m out of school.
And getting out of school will be pretty interesting. I just want to get my character certificate before my results show up and the rector decides “He was such a good boy” is a horrid mistake. Speaking of results, mine should be interesting. Watching through seasons four to eight of That 70’s Show didn’t do any good either. Neither does typing this thing in. But I have chemistry tomorrow, and nobody really likes chemistry.
Also, I will be looking for a job! Something along the lines of design. Go to thejester100.deviantart.com for samples.
Well, that’s it for now. Will post something later after these horrid examinations are over.
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Let's sample a few verses and see what they mean to the layman. I dug up a collection of poems recently. This goes out to all the people in the world who feel poetry is retarded. Yes, all four of them!
I picked this fragile sprig of heather
Autumn has died long since remember
Never again shall we see one another
Odor of time sprig of heather
And remember I await our life together
From the title, I gather that it's something the poet would write to someone he is bidding goodbye to. All's well upto now. Then we see that he has picked a sprig of heather, which happens to be, fragile! Okay, fine. Some rambling before he gets to the point I guess. Then we see the autumn line. What the hell? Who cares what season it is? Or is it symbolically autumn in his relationship with whoever he's writing to?, whatever that means. Then, we finally see some sense, in the third line. Only to be shattered again by the last line, which says "await our life together". Poets are a confused bunch. No wonder the gal's leaving him.
2) "The Elephant"
As an elephant carries ivory
I bear in my mouth a precious gift
O purple death! ... I buy my fame
At the expense of pretty words
Now this thing creates some doubts in the mind of any reader. He carries in his mouth a precious gift, "As an elephant carries ivory". Does that mean elephants have ivory in their mouths? :s Or just that he's got something sticking out his mouth like vampire teeth? And then, as if to confirm his retardedation, he goes on about some purple death, which i assume is some form of mutated black death.
3) "Chapeau Tombeau"
He spreads his smut
This little or-
Enough of this
I'll take a piss
Do I have to point out what lead me to think all poets are just reatards in disguise? Ornithological butt?
4) "How the Bird Singing"
How the bird singing
In the green poplar's peak of light
up to the gay sun of bright afternoon
splits my soul pleasantly in two-
and what musical blood pours out!
from the unturning zenith
down to the unchanging earth!
Birds singing! How bad could that be eh? So, there's a poplar, which I've gathered is popular with poets. Sneaky. So on this poplar, under a homosexual sun, a bird sits. But alas! This is no ordinary bird! It appears to eat the souls of the living by cutting them in half. But, typical of a poet, he praises the devil-bird's actions and finds it pleasurable. He likes it when the "musical" blood pours out. Sicko.
Poetry should be treated with the same attitude as animal porn :p , and there should be regular raids on poet gathering places, such as poplars, drainage pipes and around the childrens play area in the park, looking for narcotics. I have no idea how I got through english lit in school...
And now, please don't flame me if you read, write or like poetry. I was merely speaking in jest. No offense to anyone, except the bastard who wrote of the evil bird. He deserves to be tied to a stake and burned along with the rest of his coven. :)
Thursday, May 22, 2008
More and more it seems like there is absolutely nothing to write about here. Oh, and all you morons who are shouting “Then Don’t!” can go hump a sofa.
Life is just too uneventful these days. Sure, I hear people say stupid things, things that strike you with the same effect as one day wandering into your garage and finding your parents are spandex clad superheroes, just about to depart on a mission. And yet I can find nothing of substance to write in here. And the fact that my classmates now find it amusing to occasionally visit here and remind me of all I’ve written doesn’t help either. Anyone still anonymous and considering going public, stay the hell away! It’s just not worth it. Anything of real meaning will have to wait till after I’m through with the whole school thing. People might say “Life’s short, you might get hit by a bus tomorrow, so live like there’s no tomorrow”. Screw that*. Life’s long, and even on the off chance I do get hit by a bus, the knowledge that a riotous mob would burn said bus and its driver is enough for me to be happy for the rest of eternity. Imagine, leaving the earth in a blazing inferno!
So here I go with an empty mind…
“ It was a dark and stormy evening. I stepped off the bus as it was splashing its way down to a fraction of its top speed. I scurry into the shelter of the bus stop, where there were people, people waiting for buses, or just escaping the pouring rain. The rain, the tropical rain which drips liquid ice all over its temporary territories was hammering down particularly hard that day. I turn my attention back to the people inside the bus stop. One of them in particular, caught my eye. He was standing in a shadowy corner, and was… glowing, literally. It looked as if he was on his way to a sign-makers’ to get himself bent into a notice saying “vacancy”. Coolio. I sidle up to him, and I noticed he was…
At this moment my jeans pocket starts vibrating. ”
Damn it! Just when I manage to make things interesting for myself… “Where are you and why are you late?” I reply with my location and ask whether she does not notice the rain which threatens to melt the entire country with its constant splattering. “What rain? You’re imagining things again”. Fine, there was no rain. “Just come home and take your medication will you? We’ll make the rain go away together”. And she wonders where I got my sarcasm from…
I realize I just wrote an entire post about nothing in particular. I could just use the excuse about signs of aging if I wasn’t just 18. Maybe some sort of early-life crisis?
*Anyone seen that movie starring Chris Rock? The thing in which he’s a regular married man? Anyway, that line’s derived from that movie. Don’t flame me with “You stole that whole thing from a movie you asshole!!!”
This means you too Kiran!
Friday, May 16, 2008
1) Technology -
Although the past week has been a black one for most stuff around me. First my phone memory card goes bust, and then the one I buy to replace it turns out to be slightly incompatible, so I have to wait another week till they get a different brand down. Then I break the glass turntable in the microwave. Then my monitor stops working, so I’m stuck with a crummy 15-inch. Thoughts of sabotage entered my mind when the bus I was traveling in broke down in the middle of the road today.
2) Music -
I just ripped "The Flying Carpet". No, it's not the Aladdin soundtrack. Nice, relaxing music. Although I do push in the occasional Alter Bridge. Something unpleasant happened this last week in music. I copied off all the new music on my brother's mp3 player like I usually do, and was assailed by the likes of S Club 7 and NSync. Apparently, he had autofilled it with random tracks from his office.
3) Weird stuff, like have you ever noticed that you can’t lick your elbows?
4) Laughing -
Most recently, at the audience on the Tyra Show. Those people have been dragged over from a telemarketing show methinks. And considering that everyone who appears on the Tyra Show is either terribly maimed or nutty as a fruitcake, or both if you count Tyra, they appear to be what is scientifically called "Tasteless Bovines"
5) Messed up situations -
I was about 8 years old. And I was at a funeral. We were all gathered round the grave, some fifty-odd people. My cousin(6) and I were way at the back. Suddenly, he grabs my sleeve and points. I turn to see a skull, dug up by some dog and just showing out of the ground. We both start shouting “A skull! A skull!” not in panic, but out of sheer excitement. You can imagine what sort of reaction this caused in the adults. Each of them spun round and stared at us as if we had just murdered the poor guy. Two kids shouting out in joy about a dead guy’s bones is not something you particularly like to hear if your husband’s just passed away. Needless to say, our parents came and dragged us away, apologizing profusely for our “misconduct”.
6) Reading stuff -
But I already mentioned this in the earlier post.
7) Taking pictures of stuff -
I'm not sure if I'm qualified to call myself an "Amateur Photographer". I used to make money off it when I was in the school club, but now it's just regular random pictures of whatever is interesting. But by far the worst part is when relatives ask you to take pictures of various social events. Sometimes, that would be fine, but not when there's another professional guy there, jumping about like spider-man. Photographers are very much like lions. Not in that we pee on rocks, but that we're very territorial. If I walk into another guys turf, he will take me down, either by making my pictures look bad or resorting to the deadliest attack - laughing at my camera. Between his evil looks and the comments of relatives to the tune of "*giggle", "Ohh look who's taking pictures", and "Make sure you focus right this time" you sort of lose interest in your hobby.
8) Sarcasm -
"Someone who tries to peddle sarcasm as a higher form of wit". That's me. Probably because it's easier.
9) Strangely, Making stuff -
As in virtual things. Mostly in Cinema 4D and Photoshop. It's just fun when the bean man you made learns how to walk right. Or when you have the power to sadistically twist the limbs of your creation, and put it back the way it was again. Although it's no fun having to wait a few minutes for renders to complete...
10) Life -
The fact that we, and not fire breathing rabbits, were chosen to rule this earth, is great!
Although I must admit a different type of scourge, in the form of the fire-breathing feminist, is threatening civilization today. hehehe... Don't flame me, please(No pun intended). Just got too many e-mails with "How great is a woman" etc. in the subject line.
Like last time, I don't know anyone who hasn't been tagged already. Woe is me. I doubt this chain is goig to end because of me, so ciao for now!
Monday, May 5, 2008
I’ve been away for a while, but rest assured that I enjoyed every minute of it! :p Anyway, Here’s some captioned pics I took. To explain the whole trip word by word would be too much like forcing you to watch the endless slide shows of vacation pictures on my hard drive. Since I haven’t got a kick out of torturing my audience in a long time, I’ll just provide the pictures. Most of them can be clicked for enlargements.
This is more or less the India that I remember most from my last trip there. The Ambassador taxis. When I was a kid I thought it was the bomb! (Who says 'the bomb' anymore these days eh?) You could fit about 7 people in one, and it had nice 'cushiony' seats. This time over, I went just once in one of these, and it wasn’t very pleasant. Too hot and bumpy. It was hot enough to melt the deodorant right out of my armpits. But newer locally made cars seem to overcome this problem, by switching the A/C to “Blizzard” mode when started, then carrying on at a more sedate pace.
The beach! Holy land for many a temperature-challenged person! Or maybe even many a thirsty old man. When I initially decided to go to the beach, it was 12 noon. Now, many years of comic books and Bay-Watch-ish programming on TV has instilled in me the idea that the beach was a place for any time of day. Need a run in the morning? The beach. Need to cool off after a grueling day at school? Need to chill after a hard day’s work? Need a place to bury a corpse in the night? Anyway, my midday soirée was cut off at the pass by my mother who shouted in astonishment whether I was insane going to the beach at noon. Apparently it was the devil’s fryer at this time of day. I finally managed to get out at about 3pm. Windy, salty and completely deserted! Awesome strip of beach.
Last time I went, the railway station looked more or less like the Fort station. Concrete floors, dirty walls with peeling paint, and urchins sitting around staring at tourists. But man, have things changed. Now I know what they were talking about when they said India’s developing, fast, on CNN. One thing that would have led to this, I think, was sponsorship. Advertisements were plastered all over the place. In the station, on the stairs, in the trains, and they even had these screens inside the trains which were showing a sort of mini TV station broadcast just for the railway service. This too had many ad spots.
Some Chinese fishing net thing. They lower the net side into the water, then raise it up using the counterweights on the other end. I doubt they use these even in china now.
Just checking how far the zoom on the camera worked :) . The blocky ness is due to digital zoom. But, 12x seems pretty decent. I’m stuck with this compact till I get a job.
This is in Cochin. A fraction of it, actually. Take that picture, and multiply by 100 and you’ll have an idea of what it looks like now. Unfortunately I couldn’t carry the camera around while we were driving around, so no cityscapes or anything. But on the bright side, without a camera, I blended in nicely as just another local. But when it came to talking, I stuck out like a sore thumb with my accent. Most shopkeepers smiled and asked whether I was from SL, or just looked a bit puzzled. But all in all, shopping around was interesting. Three assistants introduced themselves to me in the same store, going from section to section.
Amusement park was truckloads of fun, with all sorts of rides. From rollercoaster’s water rides. I finally discovered why people scream in rides. Yes, this rock crushing demon bashing specimen of man was screaming his head off. But the problem with a water park is, while you’re going on the rides, you can’t take pictures without your camera meeting it’s maker in a watery grave.
More experiments with the camera. That’s my cousin on the left, “handling” his hair. My cousin and his family spent about four days going about with us, which gave us the opportunity to say whatever the hell we want in Sinhalese, knowing no-one else understood. Thankfully, we didn’t run into any tour-guides.
The collage! Click for enlargement!What collection would be complete without it? Some of the Flora and fauna, and some buildings. The cat’s my aunt’s. And yet again, I find that this camera is very satisfying when used in macro mode. 2cm is close enough to see every detail in anything.
There you have it, folks. My entire trip vaguely outlined with pictures.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Movies I watched the past few days. Being the excellent critic I am, and having my impeccable taste in movies, You can be sure you're getting the truth. :D -
Alien Vs. Predator 2 - It seemed impossible that this movie could be bad. It had Aliens, and Predators. Also a few wimpy humans to boot. All three races fighting in close proximity promised a tornado of alien killing, blood spurting action. But, going against the laws of nature, it sucked. Big time.
Charlie Wilson's War - It's a great movie, just that I don't have much to say about it. Just watch the thing, will ya?
The Golden Compass - This is one great movie! It's got fantasy worlds, talking Polar Bears and flying ship things, all of which ensure a great journey into the world of "His Dark Materials"
Meet the Spartans - Funny in parts, but as a whole, doesn't really get you rolling on the floor laughing. What? you think people don't mean it when they say ROFL?
Jumper - Watched with a couple of friends. It wasn't blockbuster class, but it provided a few good moments. Not enough though.
That 70's Show - Watching the first season. Man this show is awesome!
Heroes - Second season. Some people said it was worse than the first, but I beg to differ. Sylar's alive, more people with cool powers and Peter getting even more powerful!
Will post a proper post sometime AFTER the 23rd or so. Going to India, so will have some stuff to jot down...
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Saturday, March 8, 2008
How do people over here learn about procreation? 99% of the time, there is no 'talk' between parent and child. I for one just sort of picked up the gist of it from the many books lying around the house. Notably the 'Reader's Digest Home Medical Guide'. Actually, looking back now, I wonder why the thing had such vivid descriptions... :s Maybe even a few adults needed a reminder on exactly how it works. Or if my parents placed the book there in the first place, so I'd read it and not have to ask THEM!?
I'll freak out about my parent's intentions later...
Anyway, point is, most of us never really get any real info off our parents. So how Do we find out about this stuff? I did some (sketchy) research, and found that most just get the info from a friend, or a group of friends who piece together something from the scraps of information they've found out. Freaky, when you think of all the misleading things that could pop up from a bunch of 6th graders piecing together facts. At that stage they're likely to believe it if told that babies are made by Microsoft, when we all know that they come from Mars.
But the fact is, all of them get it right some time or the other, without any help from teachers or parents. Sure, there are some leftover beliefs floating around such as doing certain things making you go blind which refuse to bug off, but these are just peripheral to the Main Idea. And it's not just the functioning. We know about safety first. We know. But how? Why do we know this stuff? Students in the US are having sex-ed classes drilled into them from kindergarten, yet some of them are dumb as bricks when it comes to it. But yet here we are, a country in which the subject is shunned and kicked aside by a culture driven by prudish monks, where the closest education we get is "Life Education", and we still know. Weird shit...
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
What? you ask? Well, I changed my blog layout. Yeah. So, so... Anyway, what do you think?
a) Oh my god! This is fabulous!
b) Hey! Great Layout!
d) All of the above
Pick one... ;)
Situations like when you’ve got around an hour to waste on the web, and yet you don’t remember all the sites that you made a mental note of. None of what your friends told you, or you read in the paper is brought out. It’s like its playing games with you, dangling your memory just in front, but out of reach. The author of “xkcd” moans about how hard it is to forget, yet here I have it, brother. The human brain does not forget when you want it to. No, it is far too cunning a creature to do that. It knows everything you know. It IS you. So it just forgets the things you need most.
Situations like when you’re heads just about bursting with all manner of hormones, and your brain decides “Okay, forget all reason and let me just remove the locks on the ‘things you never say’ box”. All these years you manage to keep your cool and be the bigger person and exercise that thing called ‘Control’. Then you just lose it. Nothing. You've just let out everything you've managed to keep under wraps.
When I see people going on about "The wonders of the human brain", I feel a distinct need to throw a wet fish at him. Sure, I like my brain. I've become quite fond of it, you could say. But please, God, gimme a link to download the .pdf manual.
Friday, February 15, 2008
Frankly, I, as most of the populace surely is by now, am indifferent to the war. Okay, so maybe there'll be an odd bomb or two but still, life goes on. People just don't give a horses posterior... You see, people can get used to more or less anything. Hell, if they can forgive the retailers for insane prices on anything from toothpaste to hand grenades, What's a war? I could live with a war. Now, no broadband, that's impossible, but war is... do-able. I see something wrong with this, but that's what we've come to.
But don't get me wrong, life's not a bed of roses either. It's got it's fair share of thorns ;-) For example, school seems to have taken on a "Hogwarts" like atmosphere towards the middle of the book. EVERYONE is checked, you can't hang about outside. The idea is "Get inside or bugger off home". Also, when you walk around, your mind starts wandering about all the places which can conceal a gift of C4 and ball bearings. Last Thursday, there was a bag lying on a seat in the bus I was in, and as expected, people got freaked, then finally discovered it only contained books. But yet, a few people just got off the bus. Maybe they thought it was a warning.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
In ten easy steps.
How to look like a fool
Or at least a close enough resemblance for people to go "Oh my god! You look just like..." on the street.
This is what happened to me today, and I thought it was interesting enough to note down somewhere.
A true story
1) Wake up at 5 am with intent to get on web to check messages before 6 O'clock peak time and insane dial up prices and nagging parents. See pages load line by line. Gmail refuses to load. Then realize it's a holiday, whole day off peak. Bang head on table.
2) Get ready to go to friends' house, and walk out of the house with your earphone cable dangling about, making people look at you strangely. They think you're some kind of terrorist, and I swear one guy looked as if he was going to yell "Duwapan! Muu Wire eka adinne yanne!!!"...
3) Get on a bus from the front, loose grip on the rail and nearly fall on top of the wrinkly old woman in the front seat. Get up abruptly and make motions to recover poise.
4) Give up and smile ridiculously to cover up your shame at being so clumsy, especially when you're trying to portray the "Cool dude entering bus" moment.
5) Go sit at the back of the bus and smile nervously at the guy next to you.
6) Get off bus after brief ride to go get breakfast from someplace.
7) Eat a donut and a ham sandwich for breakfast.
8) Wait for bus. When it comes, stand next to it wondering whether to get on or not, owing to the slight crowd.
9) Get in at the last moment, bumping your head on the conductor's arm over the doorway.
10) Thankfully, no one is staring at you for this latest act of clumsiness. Then you have to ruin it by yet again hurtling into a group of people when the infernal driver decides it's time to play "Let's see who's not holding on to anything", and slams the pedal.
After this point, the journey was more or less eventless, but I constantly felt like someone was sniggering at me behind my back, and each time I saw a group of teenagers(male or female) talking, I'd go paranoid about the gits talking about how I behave...
I can't believe I just realized 3d models could be rendered to fit into photographs...
Heres a pic of the car as it was first made