Tuesday, November 18, 2008

How to : Fight a bobcat, and win!

Many are the times that the question of whether one of us could take on some wild animal and come out tops has been asked. I have here the answer. I was flipping through an old reader's digest and came upon an article in which a man has to fight a wild cat to survive. And the best part is, he does it with nothing but his tiny pocket knife. That alone merits giving him a medal. I mean, look at those guys who go hunting for ducks. They go out there looking like Rambo to take down a flying chicken. I don't know much about ducks, but I'm pretty sure you don't need an arsenal the size of Sweden to take those bastards out.

Back to the story : The dude's taking a leisurely walk in the hills somewhere and suddenly there's this crazy wild cat walking towards him, acting all uppity. So he does the sensible thing and tries to back off slowly. But the cat's in a bad mood today, so it decides to get all up in his face.

Our dude ain't gonna take any of that lying down, so he pulls out his knife and stands at the ready to give the bobcat a good beating down. The cat lunges, and through some freak accident our hero drops his knife. So he wrestles around with the cat for a bit. He starts feeling around on the ground, looking for the knife, all while this cat is eating his head off. He gets it!

Since his head is likely inside the ev0l cat's mouth, he blindly stabs the knife. But alas! He has stabbed his own other hand! Now, I'm sure he did this to make the fight a bit more interesting, but nonetheless... He gets the knife again. This time, he plunges it deep into the cat's neck, drawing much blood. The cat goes all D: on him and starts thrashing around, letting go of him, and our victor rises up, to survey his kill.

Apparently he was receiving treatment for many months after.

So everyone, if you ever have to fight a wild animal, here is the bible to your barbaric journey. I mean polar bears and things are mean things. I even heard of a mad leet polar bear who could fly. You never know when you're gonna run into one of em, say, camping in Sinharaja or something.

7 comments:

Sabby said...

Sounds like a genius to me.

"ev0l cat's mouth" eh?
I didnt know cats had ev0l mouths!

Teehee!

Jerry said...

ev0l = evil.

Get wit it!

DeeCee said...

ooo ev0l ...

DRG said...

we are going back to the old days...
i suppose

Jerry said...

And why is that?

mixedblessings89 said...

Ducks bite bad. really.

God, this kind of shit is one reason m not too hot on animals in general.

Jerry said...

Whaat?

They're armed to the teeth to fight something that doesn't HAVE teeth!

It's a small bird!!