That'll also help me make up fake resolutions for when people insist.
1) Walking into a spider's web in the morning-
This happens when you've just set foot out of the house. These webs, produced by the less mentally gifted of the eight legged insects, hang in wait for you in places like the front door frame, the gap between a car and a pillar, or even a wall and a drooping tree branch. It's extremely annoying when you've just cleaned up and set out towards the new day and you have this invisible net all over your face and hair. After you've managed to get rid of the infernal web from hell, you end up looking exactly the way you woke up, which would be okay if everyone lived in a movie, but, as my shrink said, that's not so.
2) People throwing maxims at you -
"Early to bed & Early to rise, Makes a man Healthy, Wealthy & Wise"
As if it were any object to a boy to be healthy, wealthy and wise on those terms. It is sayings such as these that pull down a sprouting individual, and makes him lose all hope of ever measuring up to anything. What with people praising various idols and exalting their kids to be like them, not realizing that these "idols" were really vicious. Take for example the author of the line above, B Franklin. In order to fly his kite out on Sundays, he'd hang a key on it and say he was "fishing for lightning", and the people would go about praising the "great wisdom" of the sabbath breaker. What parents don't realize is that studying till morning, then waking up at an inhuman hour and doing things like peddling your own poetry are the signs of genius, not the cause of it. If they did, there would be so many more little Einsteins and Darwins. And I would have earned my first million by 16, yet here I am.
3) Made for TV Christmas movies -
These pieces of coal that flow out of the studios along with the rest of the gems and assorted rocks, seem to want to somehow bludgeon the viewer into the Christmas spirit with an arsenal of bad acting and directing. The way these weapons are yielded could very well scare an audience into submission, and want to pray to god to make it stop. And what better way for a non-believer to start than by celebrating the birthday of the very one he is about to appeal to for help?
That's all that comes to mind right now, but there's plenty more, obviously...
May the New Year bring you New Joy!
I thought that up myself. That has to count for something extra. You owe me a New Year's gift.