An Open Letter To Women

Yeah yeah, overused title template but whatever. Without further ado,

Dear females,
I know what you're up to. Your domination over this world has been exposed to me like so much leg at a strip joint. You yammer on and on about how women are oppressed and "looked down upon". This is a blatant lie. You know why? Because WE, men, are biologically programmed to always be under the finger of you women. We can't help it. All you women make posts saying how men are always "annoying" you by hitting on you and the like. Yet you have all the power. You don't see women standing in bus stops staring at men, slack jawed as a cow do you?

Let me give you a few examples.

1) A woman walks up to a man and goes "Hey handsome, wanna go somewhere?" And before she can finish the sentence, she will be swept up on her feet and on the way to much merry making.

2) A man walks up to a woman on the street and goes "Hey beautiful" and that is all he will remember. Till he wakes up from his coma, that is. Then he'll have flashbacks of screams and yells of "rapist!", visions of shoe soles being flung, and the occasional "nugegodahomagamahomagamahomagamaaa!". Eventually, after regaining the use of his arms, he will go back to a relatively normal life again.

So you see, we know about you little "hurt puppy" act. We're not gonna fall for it.

And don't give us all that "Where would you be without us women?".

I say, "Still in the garden of Eden, hag".