Wednesday, November 5, 2008

An Open Letter To Women

Yeah yeah, overused title template but whatever. Without further ado,

Dear females,
I know what you're up to. Your domination over this world has been exposed to me like so much leg at a strip joint. You yammer on and on about how women are oppressed and "looked down upon". This is a blatant lie. You know why? Because WE, men, are biologically programmed to always be under the finger of you women. We can't help it. All you women make posts saying how men are always "annoying" you by hitting on you and the like. Yet you have all the power. You don't see women standing in bus stops staring at men, slack jawed as a cow do you?

Let me give you a few examples.

1) A woman walks up to a man and goes "Hey handsome, wanna go somewhere?" And before she can finish the sentence, she will be swept up on her feet and on the way to much merry making.

2) A man walks up to a woman on the street and goes "Hey beautiful" and that is all he will remember. Till he wakes up from his coma, that is. Then he'll have flashbacks of screams and yells of "rapist!", visions of shoe soles being flung, and the occasional "nugegodahomagamahomagamahomagamaaa!". Eventually, after regaining the use of his arms, he will go back to a relatively normal life again.

So you see, we know about you little "hurt puppy" act. We're not gonna fall for it.

And don't give us all that "Where would you be without us women?".

I say, "Still in the garden of Eden, hag".

15 comments:

indyana said...

Oh dear...what on earth happened? you seem really annoyed!

Nikang said...

I, found the post Hilarious, effing Hilarious..... as I read through it I could see all the men in a corner, with tear streaked faces and looking like lil boys who have been just caned... and although they (ye included) are screaming out aloud.. we cant hear ye!

For centuries women were abused... women were under ye control...women had no say.. all of ye are being punished for wot the ancestors of the male species did to ours :).. And I dont think its cruel at all... :)

Jerry said...

@indyana
No worries indyana, notice the "humour" and "tongue in cheek" tags. :)

@nikang
We WILL have our day, infidel!
:D

someone important said...

well done fellow penis holder.

TheWhacksteR said...

and with an extra rib too!

who else but me said...

hehhe...funny post. the truth is, women have always been strong and powerful and that's what men are so insecure about. hence the birth of Patriarchy! it was their way of getting the power and control back. and whilst the balance of power sure is tipping today, to the feminine side, you can't take away the struggle that our "ancestoresses" have had to go through to get here.oh and the bus stand incident is funny but um...we haven't come to a level of equality (or in you're implications dominance) where women can hit on a guy openly and not be called a slut and where a woman can be felt up by some pervert in a bus and when she does say something or give the bugger a return (which is the exception rather than the rule) she still won't be called a slut. :)

Dili said...

Love it!! :)

Foxhound said...

I think after the initial hoo haa... women have the harder time in most cases.

Sabby said...

Hah!
I shall reserve my comments...to you and Mr Darkness both till I write my own blog about the battle of the sexes.

I shall wait till all this heat on the topic cools down and then start it all over again. Muhahhahah (Evil Grin) =)

Jerry said...

@SI, thewhackster & dili
:D

@who else but me
Yeah, SURE.
..

See? We've got the "seeing through the lies" bit down. Now we just need to figure out how to lie...

@foxhound
Do not fall for their ploys, fellow male!
:D

@sabby
Pfft.
Yeah, right.
And what heat? We are on to you. Be warned. ^.^

Shifani said...

LOL! I thought you said you've been turning into a 'real sexist pig' on your blog! But this is just the truth, man. I've been saying the same things to guys for years and laughing in their FASES about it and such.

Jerry said...

Pfft. Enjoy it while you can.

Pakaya said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Awesome shit man.

DeeCee said...

lol...i wanna read all ur posts...sigh...must..figure..out...
but how? :S

Jerry said...

GAH! That's the last time I approve comments before checking which post they're for... :/

I offer the book for 10k rs a pop

:P