Tuesday, January 15, 2008

How to look like a Fool

Obviously, a Jester would know...
In ten easy steps.

How to look like a fool

Or at least a close enough resemblance for people to go "Oh my god! You look just like..." on the street.

This is what happened to me today, and I thought it was interesting enough to note down somewhere.

A true story

1) Wake up at 5 am with intent to get on web to check messages before 6 O'clock peak time and insane dial up prices and nagging parents. See pages load line by line. Gmail refuses to load. Then realize it's a holiday, whole day off peak. Bang head on table.

2) Get ready to go to friends' house, and walk out of the house with your earphone cable dangling about, making people look at you strangely. They think you're some kind of terrorist, and I swear one guy looked as if he was going to yell "Duwapan! Muu Wire eka adinne yanne!!!"...

3) Get on a bus from the front, loose grip on the rail and nearly fall on top of the wrinkly old woman in the front seat. Get up abruptly and make motions to recover poise.

4) Give up and smile ridiculously to cover up your shame at being so clumsy, especially when you're trying to portray the "Cool dude entering bus" moment.

5) Go sit at the back of the bus and smile nervously at the guy next to you.

6) Get off bus after brief ride to go get breakfast from someplace.

7) Eat a donut and a ham sandwich for breakfast.

8) Wait for bus. When it comes, stand next to it wondering whether to get on or not, owing to the slight crowd.

9) Get in at the last moment, bumping your head on the conductor's arm over the doorway.

10) Thankfully, no one is staring at you for this latest act of clumsiness. Then you have to ruin it by yet again hurtling into a group of people when the infernal driver decides it's time to play "Let's see who's not holding on to anything", and slams the pedal.

After this point, the journey was more or less eventless, but I constantly felt like someone was sniggering at me behind my back, and each time I saw a group of teenagers(male or female) talking, I'd go paranoid about the gits talking about how I behave...

21 comments:

abeeth said...

i can totally relate to the 'bus' thing...he he he.
Awesome post!

Half Doctor said...

It's number two for me.
I have been in trouble!
My phone is hooked onto the headset which gives me the Radio. And I have to push a button on the connecting wire to flip thru the stations.
I usually keep the extra bits of wire looped around the phone with the phone in my shirt pocket, so that said button is on the front of my shirt pocket. But still some wire is seen leading from my shirt pocket.
Now, once at Borella, I had this contraption on and was listening to a horrid song, I think there was a grimace on my face too, and my hand swept up to my pocket to change the channel. It was arrested on it's way by the foriegn arm of another man, who was convinced I was about to do something very very bad.
It took a quite a while to wrestle out of his grip and show him that this was only the radio. Harassing too.
But in hind sense can't blame the guy everyone's a bit edgy these days!

Lady divine said...

hey, i can actually relate to a few of those hehee...

like the earphone thingy....
and then waiting near the bus wondering whether to get in or not.. hehee...

all others sound very.. umm.... eventful!:-)

John said...

Yeah, headphones freak ppl out a lot. I was once told away to move away from a bank by a policeman. That may not sound weird but I was standing in front of bloody bus halt! Move away from a bus halt? I was trying to catch a bus too.

crystal flame said...

quite funny. I so can relate to some of them!

Azrael said...

I've also noticed that people are giving odd looks when wearing the earphone. Luckily i'm in la la land by that time, an i barely notice.

I've been know to stand in bus halt for more than 15 minutes waiting for less crowded buses he he.

Mia said...

"Duwapan! Muu Wire eka adinne yanne!!!".He he he he Oh these are the sort of things I miss about old SL, the unique dialect

“when the infernal driver decides it's time to play "Let's see who's not holding on to anything", and slams the pedal”
Again, good old SL. : ) I know, it is no fun when you have to live it on a daily basis but when I now live the sanitised version of everything these bring happy memories : )
Btw good post Jester

the_jester said...

@abeeth & crystal flame
Yeah, i see that it now happens to lots of people.
abeeth, you on lame-duck?

@HD, LD, John & Azrael
HD, funny story :D
I thought I was the only one with wire problems...
j - you having to move away probably wasn't because of the earphones... ;-)

@mia
YOU MISS THIS?

Mia said...

Miss, as in our unique dialect. Where else in the world would someone call a human (in casual talk) the same way they do an animal eg: “muu” :)

Miss, as in the maniacal bus drivers giving commuters a free workout for the price of a bus ticket. Slithering bums for the ones seated or flying, for the ones standing.
Perhaps ‘miss’ is not the correct word. Nostalgia is more like it. Still, in a way I do miss those unique little things that is so SL

Few years back while visiting SL I so wanted to travel on a SL bus but my mettle has waned and was scared to step on one for the fear of the driver pulling out before my whole person was inside and I just happen to mention it to someone and she said “ok, I’ll take you one day” And she did, on a day or time (can’t rem) she said will not be packed and she was right the bus was pretty empty and I had the ride of my life, it was fun to say the least. I watched the driver the whole way and laughed my lungs off. He was young and looked manic behind the wheel and looked like he was enjoying every jolting movement of the wheel and changing gears.
I almost said ‘thank you’ to him when I got off :)

the_jester said...

Interesting... looks like living in oz has acyually given you a taste for the REAL SL culture.

*~Star Light~* said...

Awesome post! You make the bwestest Jester ever! *pinches cheek*

abeeth said...

proud to be a Lame Duck! he he he.: )

it's a small world after all....eh? ;)

The Jester said...

Thanks starlight!

Yeah abeeth! Go ducks!

Damith-TS said...

LOL, Can relate to all most all of them. Specially the dial up bit.

Once(in my spectacle wearing days) I was on a bus in SL and some guys actually knocked them off. It was so packed and I couldnt even reach the floor to try to pick them up. Eventually when I did someone had trampled on it. I looked like a blundering fool trying to get my specs off the bus floor. Thank god the bus guy dint break. I was in SL recently and the bus drivers to me seem nuttier than ever. Who gives these guys licenses ?

pissu perera said...

try talking to yourself while crossing roads and see the reactions you get. quite amusing :)no problem with wires because i never remember to use it.

The Jester said...

@damith
Spec wearing days? Yo wear contacts now? ;-)

@pissu
How can you not remember to use your earphones?....

Damith-TS said...

Jesters> Ya moved on to contacts now, NO more losing/sitting on/dropping Specs. Ive run through at least 10 pairs or more :)

Shifani said...

Hey Makuluwo from LameDuck here.. very funny post! lol fiendish bus drivers and their 'let's see who's not holding onto anything' games..

The Jester said...

Glad you liked it, Shifani!

So you've been through the Buses of Death too eh?

Queen of the Dark Asylum said...

arghh.. at least you didnt get thrown when the driver hit the freaking brakes and then drmatically land on some guy's lap. i swear the bus stopped for about 5 mins just so the crowd caught a glimpse of the victim ..

the_jester said...

Haha! He must have been feeling pretty chivalrous to have a "Damsel in Distress" in his lap. ;-)