Lies 4.0 – The Beach

So I’m sitting there, wondering who the people around the table are. It’s dark and there’s only a flickering candle at the center of the table. You’d understand if I’m a little apprehensive. Their faces get lit up occasionally to reveal mouths, noses and most other facial implements. Well, at least they look normal.

I ask the dude sitting next to me ‘So uh… you’re?"’ ‘Ah I’m Myprerogative machan, and this is’…uhh.. shit. ‘[someone] and Margarita, whacky’s friends’. I nod and smile at each in turn. So, now that everyone’s staring at me I decide to say something suitable. Except it came out something like

‘Why are you all staring at meh?!’

Thankfully Whacko and Realskullzero got back to the table after their little misadventure. After they get settled, I get into my routine of taking friendly insults, horribly deforming them into far worse ones and then applying themselves on me. See, people’s accusations of you being gay stop being too effective when you yourself admit to not only being gay, but also ‘one who dishes out surprise-sex’, carrying along a bottle of chloroform all the time.

Except this time things didn’t exactly go to plan, and I just ended up being looked at funny. Hence all the “Lies” posts on my part. So I hastily resorted to using my ego to call myself a god, but that fell apart rather quickly when I appealed to yet another apparently higher power for help in… something or the other. It doesn’t do your godliness any favours when you shake your fist at the sky and shout “Why God, WHY??”.

After that it was a pretty jumbled up discussion involving riseoftheasdadgs and how cupid was born. I’m not really sure how the airtight swimwear thing got there but it had something to do with the getting-pregnant-in-the-pool myth. And I think rotfl was supposed to be wearing a pair or something. I dunno. It was hard enough keeping up with the gist of the conversation while painstakingly typing out text messages, and it was impossible to keep track of all the characters involved. Whack said there was some kind of matrix involved but there weren’t any pasty white dudes making out with Keanu Reeves around(But seriously. Trinity totally looks like a guy). I think he meant some kind of marketing thingy made up by a pasty white dude.

Eventually [someone] left and was soon replaced by UnsilentDawn, that poem slinging… dude. He was duly warned of my allegedly strange taste in partners by all present and was told not to worry, all of them combined could take me down. But by this point all I could think of was that ‘TheWhackster’ had been behaving very strange the whole evening. But being the gullible fellow I am I just ignored it and continued to try and make sense of everything happening.

After much going on about nothing in particular, we set off. That bit was fairly regular, so I shall leave it to your imagination. Suffice to say that MyP and whacko were alone in a car at the end of it.

;)

Chapter 2 : Contact

Continued form here

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Youdickhead! Its moving! Ohnoohnoohnooo Professor Gunasinghe is gonnakillme'!

'Sir, its reaching for the wormhole!! what do i do sir? sir? SIR!!.....fuck.'

Greenwilly Jayasinghe froze as he saw their, at best, sadistic project mentor entering their little hastily slapped together control room. Greenwilly, Will to his friends, was not by any stretch of the imagination a quick thinking man. How he got into this whole business of littering the universe full of newly created wormholes, nobody knows. On the other hand, his superior, Bluetits, known to his friends as just Blue, was quite capable of dodging even the stickiest of situations.

After a few seconds Blue noticed that his not-too-bright charge had nearly stopped breathing. He turned around to see the considerable frame of Professor Gunasinghe breathing down her nose at him. She was the type of person who would assign you the task of calculating Pi to the millionth digit, with a calculator,if you so much as looked at her wrong. But at the moment, Blue had bigger things to worry about than starting at her rudely.


'What's wrong you! Men, always standing around! What is that!' she screeched, seeing the infra-red video stream of our friend the hothead. Blue cast around for explanations and finally ended up with 'It's a videogame we're testing, ma'am. Just to uh... see if the... ROP's perform right when configured this way.'

'Hmph.... well... get back to work then! Lazy little.....'

'Whoa, that was close...' Blue said as she drifted off to spread her vile self on someone else.

'Uh... Sir, I think you should-'

The hothead had by now moved right next to the wormhole. Now, wormholes are strange things. Even they themselves didn't understand wormholes properly. Each time they had created one in the past, anything they'd tried to bring through it had turned to ashes and little lumps of diamond at this end. They assumed the wormhole was pulling through a great deal more space and matter than they wanted it to, hence creating an unpleasant environment for safe travel. The first primitive species they'd encountered had even used their multi-billion dollar experiment as a convenient waste disposal unit that had popped into existence.

As hothead started slowly moving into it, Blue waited for the CCCRRRRRSSHSHHHHH sound that would signal the need for yet another clean-up of the 'Landing Room', the place where everything significant from the wormhole popped into existence. They'd figured out how to get rid of the useless bits like dust and female aliens along the way. In essence, they were littering along hyperspace.

Hothead tentatively stuck a limb into the strange swirling mass of light and dust, and was promptly sucked into it with a little 'plop' noise. A few seconds later and a few thousand light years away, it blinked. Cold.

Meanwhile, Blue and Willy were getting ready to shut down when their local AI alerted them to the presence of _something_ in the Landing Room. Blue stopped mid-sentence and stared at the screen which was displaying a strange looking thing that looked like a cross between a teapot and a dildo.

'W- We'd better go get to it before her highness finds out, mate' said Blue.

'You think she'll actually try t-' queried Willy.

'No, you idiot. jeez...'

So off they went to the Landing Room, wondering how in the world it had survived. The only possible explanation was that the creature actually _lived_ in such environments. But then it would surely die when exposed to the local atmosphere. He ran faster.

'Entrance to the Landing Room has been restricted to personnel with multi-suits, as inner atmosphere has been adjusted to suit it's sole inhabitant.' chimed the AI.

'Well, there's that question answered...'

He pressed the comm link button on the door. Willy slowly moved behind him.

'Booo' Blue said

What they heard struck fear into their hearts like neither had ever experienced.

'lol lol diS is so aWeSomEE'

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On to MyP

Sorry if it's not what you expected, just wanted to maintain some sameness to it, instead of wildly going all over the place.


Stay tuned for Lies 4.0 : The Beach

Lies 3.0 - Alone In The Dark

The Bachelor Thing

1. Try to find alcohol after 9.

2. Get fleeced.

3. Walk over to Pizza Hut, look across road for signs of Wander Vaal's Road. Find Wandevaath Place.

4. Walk.

5. Walk.

6. Avoid weird dude sitting outside his gate talking on phone.

7. Walk.

8. End of road. Railway tracks in front of me.

9. Screw the numbering...

Call Myprerogative. Don't hear the usual "Brother". He says turn right. So I turn right. Darkness. I remember Gehan :s . "Walk four steps forward"(Click the link. Seriously.). Take three slow steps into darkness. Then jump back a few meters. Cautiously approach again, moving along wall. Where are you when you're needed, Mr. fingers?!

By now I'm wondering what the plan is. My mind races and starts throwing up all sorts of possibilities from someone throwing a sack over my head to just a tap on the shoulder. So I settle on someone throwing a water balloon at me. What? It was the sea. Water. ???

Eventually I hear snatches of someone's voice on the phone and inquire further. In between being nearly run over by a train and doing a few pretend ninja style maneuvers over the track, I cross it. The track. Just a dark path between the trees ahead, so naturally I'm a bit apprehensive about entering it. Myprerog/whack says something like "I'll send someone to collect you".

Those words were like a knife cutting through the butter of my resolve. I remember all the things people, well a person, said. And some stuff people DIDN'T say. Get visions of some weird cult looking for a human sacrifice, a bunch of pedo's on the beach, even worse, what if they have BO!? I panic. Rush off into the trees before anybody shows up, see a dim light ahead.

Eventually go upto it and am greeted by some dude sitting at a table. "Jerry?" he asks. I was pondering saying no and running like hell, but meh. I decided to just give up and go sit. I see a female sitting across the table. Oh shit. Is it DC? I pull up various memories and start reeling through, wondering whether I've pulled any chauvinist pig numbers on her recently. She grins. I'm mortified. I look for sharp objects.

A few seconds later RSZ and whacko show up. Buuuttt, my head smoothed out after a while and we got down to just... whatever it was. Except of course that I had to mix up whack and RSZ's identities. The sneaky bastards...

Lies 2.0

If you haven't already, you may hear a few things about me around here that are completely fictitious, and have been fabricated for the sole purpose of misleading you, the reader into forming a rather abnormal image of me. Rest assured that those responsible for this molestation of my impeccable character will be tracked down and dealt with. We cannot let such acts of treachery to go unnoticed. Justice will be served. By me. Using a few blunt objects.

On a completely related note, saturday/valentine's day was pretty good. Spent more or less the entire day on a beach somewhere. The second beach I went to also happened to be playing host to some "Bachelors" thing. I go over and see a female. Bachelors? Yeah, she's called Margarita so she doesn't count they said. Apparently Dee had been threatening to come crash it too, but in true female fashion, she didn't show either. Pity. We had to just throw away all the water balloons.

After a while everyone had a permanent grin hung on their faces and I was definitely not under the impression that a certain blogger was not really that blogger but yet another certain blogger. I put Sherlock Holmes to shame with my keen eye for all the small things like the alleged certain blogger not knowing what the hell I was talking about for the most part. Only a complete fool would have been blind to the complicated tetrahedral web of lies that was being spun around him. Yes, I may have appeared to be under their spell, but I was merely doing it for sport. Certainly not because I had no idea. And their final acknowledgment that they were not who they said they were but were indeed each other certainly did not strike me like a wet slippery fish delivered swiftly to the face. No, of course not.

That was classic :D

Much debauchery was promised, and debauchery we got. Quietly debauching till the wee hours of the morning.

Lies!

Lies! They're all lies I tell you!!

Slander!

I need to post more often...

Life's all sunshine, rainbows and lollipops again!

Many things come to mind. But notably the fact that tomorrow is valentine's day, and today is Friday the 13th. No, I'm not dragging some unlucky allowing a lucky woman to accompany me this saturday. But I do have to go stand around at a valentine's day event.

According to statistics, men spend around twice as much as women on valentine's day. This doesn't really seem too just. But then again, what CAN you buy a man? Flowers? Jewellery? Even chocolates would be wrong for not sharing your own. So it looks like men are just throwing money at the problem.

And that little nugget is the Stinger missile to the Cessna 172 of women's ranting on men not 'giving enough'.

And I choose to ignore the fact that you aren't talking about material things with regard to giving.


Also, Black cats. I haven't seen any yet, but I did take care to carry a vial of water with me everywhere.

Jerry's View On Relationships

...Is unavailable at the moment, due to severe mental instability caused by the subject matter of the title.Relationships, not Jerry.

Reeled you in with THAT one eh? Expected ol' me to talk about confusion, surprise, death, destruction and many, many ribbons? That's not what relationships are about? I didn't notice. -_-
Yes rf, I stole your smiley. Bite me.

Anyway,

Since I've established that you lot are a bunch of cricket hating traitors to the motherland, with only a few of you even having a soul, I have nothing left to write here. :s I've tried to pin it on someone sucking my life out, but I'm not so sure now. I'm eating breakfast at the moment, crumpets. I used to love this stuff, and now I'm just barely getting them down my throat. Come on, loss of appetite? Much time spent in a confused daze mulling over what to do? Yes people, I'm dying.

I see that I've made it to some list s. Go read my opinion on ranking at the respective posts. Although I love these sorts of things, since I am 'at the core' a vain, attention starved kid, I am quite disappointed by where I stand in all this. Well what do you expect? I still claim to have an ego that can by itself be classified as a planet. Anything less than a score of 141089 out of 5 is a disgrace. But still, I seem to be slowly withering away. Not in real life, that is, just me as in what you see here. Which is about 80% of real life.

I will join the ranks of the undead with grace.
Wish me luck in plodding through life at a slow trudge,
and munching at your skull if I can't find a fudge.

Don't ask.


And to whom it may concern, and by that I mean Dee, I AM NOT SKINNY :P . I am the proud owner of a BMI that is on the right end of the 'average' marker. An upper middle class BMI, if I may say so myself.